Torn

5

5
Halle

    I had ended up falling asleep shortly after we got back to the barracks, only to wake in the middle of the night.  I had a dream about Markus.

I heard heavy footsteps approaching me from behind.  I whipped around to have Markus grab both my wrists, jerking me towards him. 
Markus looked down at me with tears falling down his dark-skinned face.
"I killed him.  Halle, I murdered him.  I ended his life.  I deserve the same."  He speaks to me, still sobbing.  He never blinks, keeping eye contact with me the entire time.  His pupils are large, blocking out most of his deep, brown iris.  
Markus shoved my pearl-handled knife in my hands.  "Halle, I've done so much wrong in my life.  I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you.  I want you to do it."  He says, still not breaking eye contact.
"Markus...  I can't..."  I say, looking up to Markus's brown eyes, the white now red from crying.  His chocolate skin is stained by his tears.
"Halle, I'm begging you."  Markus begins to violently shake me.

That's when I woke up from my dream, terrified of what just happened.
When I wake up I hear sobs coming from next to me.  I uncover my head and look to where the noise is coming from.  It's Markus. 
He's sitting on the edge of his messy bed, head in his hands, tear splattered concrete below him.
I sit up, but my cot squeaks as I do.  Markus looks up and immediately begins to wipe his tears away.  "H-Halle, what are you doing up?"  His voice quivers.
"I had a bad dream, but... Markus, are you okay?"  I ask, actually concerned for him.
"Yeah... Yeah, I'm fine." He says, sitting up straight, eyes flickering to the floor.  
"Markus..."  I say, urging him to tell me what's bothering him. 
His hands rest on his knees so I reach across the small space between us and rest my hand atop his. 
He looks up at me.  "I killed someone.  And it's really screwing me up."  His leg shakes as he says it.
"Markus.  You saved me, it was either him or me.  You did what you had to."  I say, rubbing the back of his hand with my thumb.  Neither of us say anything after that.  We just sit in each other's comfort until the sun rises in the morning.  By that time we're both yawning and have bags under our eyes.  I don't think either of us really cared either. 
    After everyone else gets up, I take my newly washed assigned clothes and go to the bathroom to change. 
    When I'm finished changing, I go back to my cot to grab my pearl handled hunting knife.  After yesterday it's something I might need.
I reach under my cot to grab it, but it isn't there.  I get down to my knees and pull all my clothes, boots, shoes, and everything else from under my cot out.  I tear through everything looking for that knife.  I throw my clothes everywhere looking for it, I make a huge disaster.  My mom left the knife for me when she left, it's all I left of her.  I have to find it. 
After ten minutes of looking and not being able to find it, I start to lose my mind.  My breaths become short and hurried, my heart begins pumping faster than normal, and I start sweating.  Tears begin to pour from my eyes and I get really dizzy.  I drop to my bed, having a hard time breathing.  I'm sitting on the edge of my cot, hunched trying to breathe when I get really hot.
That's when Hudson runs over.   He grabs my chin and makes me look him straight in the eye.  I hit his hand away from me but he grabs my wrists.  He holds them tight so I can't hit him.  "Let go of me!"  I scream at him as I kick him and rip my wrists from his clutch. 
Hudson stands up and pins my legs down with his knee.  He grabs my wrists again.  He talks to me in a calm voice.  I can't quite make out what he is saying though.  Tears still pour down from eyes as he talks to me, his voice becoming clearer every second. 
"Halle, listen to me.  You're gonna be okay, I promise.  We'll find your knife and who took it."  When I can finally understand what he's saying, he moves his knee off of my legs and pulls me into his arms, knowing what I need right now. 
    I finally calm down, able to breathe again.  My heart slows back down, I cool off and quit sweating, I still feel panicked though.  Once I finally settle back down, Hudson moves his arms and looks down at me.  "You alright, mara mma?"  he asks, concern covering his face. 
    "Yeah... I don't know what happened there... Sorry I made you come over..."  I say, rubbing the back of my neck and looking to the cold concrete floor.  I can feel my face flush.
    "Don't apologize, you needed someone to help you, so I did.  Now come on, we've got to find out who took your knife."
    He cracks his knuckles before he shouts to everyone in the barracks,  "Listen up all you pillocks!  Which one of you nuzuzus took Halle's knife?!"  A few of the trainees cringe as he yells, others chuckle, pointing towards me.  No one says anything about taking it, I didn't really expect them to though. 
    "If none of you fess up I'm gonna have to find it myself and I won't be happy!  So one of you better tell me who did it!"  Even after the threat no one says a word about taking my knife.
    I tap Hudson on the shoulder.  He leans down so I can whisper in his ear.  "It's fine, Hudson... I'll find it on my own... I just hope I find it soon..."
    Hudson nods just as the bell rings for us to go to the morning announcements.  We all file out of the barracks, none of us daring to say a word.