So This is Christmas

Chapter 8

I didn't want to get out of bed. I stared off at a spot on the ceiling, feeling completely uncertain of everything.

I recalled the night before. I hadn't had such a fun time in ages. Kurt and I spent hours painting, talking and just enjoying each others' company. It was so interesting, getting to know him. And I felt like he really understood me—something I had never felt with Cole. 

The time had passed by quickly, and it was nearly 3 am when I realized that I had to get home.
When I said goodbye to Kurt, I felt the overwhelming need to kiss him again— and I did. What he said to me next was very kind and honest, which made me like him even more. But it also made my heart ache.

"Anna," he breathed, his hands still resting on my shoulders. "I—I don't think I can do this with you... right now. You and Cole just broke up. You even said you still need to talk with him about it some more. I know you're emotionally vulnerable. And I know that you still have a whole life outside of here. Believe me, I like you. I really like you. But I can't be that guy... it would be wrong of me to keep doing this with you right now."  I looked into his sad blue eyes and nodded.  

"I understand, Kurt.  Thank you for being so kind.  Tonight was really fun."

"It was," he agreed.  "And I want you to have the painting I did of you.  It's yours."

"Thank you." I smiled.  We shared a platonic hug.  Despite my sadness, I knew this was what was best for right now.  "You know, I'm still going to visit Shelli while I'm home on break," I added.

"Well, then I guess I'll see you around."

"Yeah. See you around."

My mind drifted back to the present.  I smiled briefly, thinking of the painting tucked away under my bed.  Thankfully, I'd gotten in last night without either of my parents confronting me.  They hadn't waited up since they thought I was with Cole.  But it was only a matter of time before he'd call for me and they'd find out everything.  

Unless I took matters into my own hands.  Groaning, I pulled myself from my bed.  Even though I was exhausted, I prepared for the day.  

An hour later, I was ringing Cole's aunt's doorbell.

"Hi, Anna. Come on in," Gwen greeted me.

"Hi Gwen. Thank you," I replied, stepping into the foyer.  The house looked immaculate.  No one would have guessed that a huge party just ended a few hours ago.  "I was looking to talk to Cole. Is he here?"

"He's been staying in his bedroom," Gwen answered, frowning.  "Honey, he told me what happened last night."  

"Oh.  I--I'm sorry," I answered, feeling guilty.  

"You listen, sweetheart.  You have nothing to feel sorry about." Gwen placed her hand on my shoulder.  "You're so young. You have your whole life ahead of you and so does Cole.  I know it's tough for him to understand, but he'll come around.  Very few people marry their high school sweethearts.  And a lot of ones who do end up divorcing them.  You two both have a lot of self-discovery to do.  And I'm glad you told Cole this now, rather than to wait a few more years and make it even harder."

"Thank you, Gwen."

"Of course, dear.  I told Cole the same thing. I still think you should talk to him.  Just to finalize things, you know?  But don't push it if he doesn't understand.  You just stand your ground and do what you feel you need.  I am behind you one hundred percent."

"That means a lot to me."

"Even though you aren't dating Cole, I'll always be fond  of you, Anna.  And I hope we can still keep in touch.  Now why don't you go up there and see if you can talk to him?  I'm here if you need me, okay?"

"Okay, sounds good," I answered, drawing in a deep breath.  Gwen was always so kind.  I wished my own parents would be as understanding as her.

I knocked on Cole's bedroom door.

"Hey, it's Anna!" I called.  A moment later, I heard the door swing open.  

"Anna," Cole said softly.  I could see that he'd been crying and I felt guilty.  But I remembered what Gwen had said about standing my ground.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

"Sure." Cole waved me into his bedroom.  I took a seat on an armchair in the corner.  "I guess you meant it, then?"

"Cole," I sighed.  "I just think... no, I know... that we are two very different people.  We want different things out of life.  We don't have enough in common, in my opinion, to make this last."  

"But I love you," Cole interjected.  

"I'm sorry, Cole," I answered.  "I know this isn't easy. Believe it or not, it's not easy for me either.  We've been together since high school.  And back then, I think we were right for each other.  But we're changing and becoming ourselves now.  And I'm not the right person for you."  

"I just don't understand, Anna.  What did I do wrong?"  

"You didn't do anything wrong, Cole.  You'll be a great guy for someone.  But it's just not me.  And I can't stick around and hurt us both more later.  I need to start being myself.  And I'm done here.  I have to go now."  

"Please don't go," Cole said timidly, and I felt very guilty as I turned and closed the door, and a chapter of my life.  

As I walked back down the stairs, I felt like a weight had been lifted from me.  I bid farewell to Gwen and headed back towards my parents'.  Giving them this news was going to be even more difficult than talking to Cole.  And I had one other piece of news to give them too.