Hot Flash Fiction: Perimenopausal Musings

The Meeting (#run)

"Fred," barked Mr. Shelton, "give me the financial update!"

Fred jumped to attention and shuffled the notes before him. Even with meetings converted to Zoom during the pandemic, Shelton gave him an ulcer.

"Sir, yes sir," Fred pushed his glasses up his nose and hoped the soaked armpits of his shirt couldn't be seen on camera.

"What's a matter Fred? Cat got your tongue?" snorted Marv tossing a corn nut in the air and catching it in his mouth. Marv, calling in from his lavish country home, was the only other person present on the Zoom meeting. If fact, Marv was the only other member of the company's management at all besides Shelton, the CEO and Fred. 2020 had decimated the firm. To retain their net worth, Shelton had whittled his team down to the bare bones. Fred and Marv owned equal shares, held equal seniority and when Shelton retired one of the two of them would assume the helm.

Fred dropped his pen nervously. "Shut up Marv, let the moron speak," said Shelton.

"Well, sir," Fred began. "Unfortunately 4th quarter sales are looking about 30% lower than 3rd quarter..."

"Damn it, Fred," shouted Shelton slamming his fist on the table. His fat face turned beet red, "tell me some good news for once." He paused his tirade, his face contorted unnaturally in pain and he emitted a strangled wheeze. Then he clutched his chest.

"Sir," asked Fred alarmed. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," barked Shelton, "just indigestion. It'll pass."

"Are you sure?" asked Fred. "Should I call your wife?"

"He said he's fine," hissed Marv, "and he's the boss. Plus, if anyone is calling his bombshell wife it's me."

Just then Shelton collapsed and fell face down on his desk. "Sir!" yelled Fred dialing 911.

"Ah, don't bother," said Marv. "The old man had it coming. It's time for me to take over." He threw another corn nut in the air, caught it in his mouth and put his feet up on his desk.

Fred glared at him as the 911 operator answered and Fred gave her Shelton's address explaining the three of them were on a zoom call. She seemed unsurprised. Apparently witnessing accidents remotely had become commonplace.

They watched, Fred in horror, Marv nonchalantly munching on corn nuts, as Shelton lay motionless for what seemed to Fred like an eternity. Finally, the medics burst in and started CPR.

Fred thought he heard Marv boo as they hooked Shelton's lifeless body to a defibrillator and shocked him. Nothing happened. They delivered three more shocks, but Shelton looked dead as a doornail. The medics said as much as they rolled him out the door to the ambulance continuing seemingly fruitless chest compressions.

"Well, Bub," said Marv once the show was over. "Looks like I'll be taking over the company. We both know you're too much a nimrod to run it."

Fred's cheeks burned. Marv was such an ass. Fred had been the butt of his and Shelton's jokes for nearly 30 years.

Marv chuckled and threw another corn nut in the air. But once he caught it in his mouth he froze. His hand went to his neck. Not a sound came out of his mouth. Fred watched as Marv's face turned blue. He made eye contact with Fred and pointed wildly to his neck.

Fred put his hand to his ear, "Sorry Bub, I can't hear you. Connection must have gone bad. Let's chat in the morning." While Marv watched panic stricken, Fred slowly reached over and placed his palm delicately over his computer's mouse. Fred gave Marv a knowing grin before he clicked the red button on his screen, 'Leave Meeting.'