Regan Oneshots

It Was Rough (Part 1)

"Hey." Rick greeted, walking down to the cell and unlocking it. Negan didn't move from his bed, his back to Rick. Rick set the food and water on the ground, and walked back out, locking the door. Negan had barely said a word since they'd caught him, and it was honestly worrying Rick a little.

"I brought you food. You should eat, Negan." Rick commented, sitting down on the chair outside. He watched as Negan's shoulders rose and fell at a faster pace than normal.

"I wanna die Rick." Negan said softly, and Rick felt his stomach flip. Why was he reacting like that? He didn't even like Negan, Negan had killed Glenn. And Abraham. And so many more. He should hate him. A lot. But he didn't. He actually found he was attracted to him. Very attracted to him.

"Why do you want to die?" Rick questioned, a little nervous as to what the answer would be. Negan finally sat up, but his face was still in the shadows. He dropped his head in his hands, his shoulders rising and falling rapidly.

"Negan?" Rick pushed a little, and Negan let out a shuddering breath that tugged at Rick's heart a little.

"Why won't you just fucking kill me?" Negan asked softly, and Rick was quiet for a long time.

"That's not how we do things." was the only answer Rick could supply.

"Then change how you do things!" Negan was up in a flash, slamming his hands on the bars, and Rick finally got a good look at his face. He was crying, tears streaking his face as he stared at Rick through the bars. It had obviously been for a while, because his eyes were red and puffy. Rick got up, and Negan recoiled immediately, backing away from the bars and going back to his bed.

"Negan." Rick called, but Negan was already on his side on the bed again, back to Rick. Rick chewed his lip, staring at the man in the cell. Then, slowly, he unlocked the door, walking in. He wasn't totally sure what he was doing, but he stood beside Negan's bed, staring at him.

"Negan." Rick repeated softly, and Negan didn't react. He just laid there, breathing rapidly. Rick nudged his legs away a little, to which Negan responded by pulling away further, curling his legs into his chest. Rick sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at him.

"I don't need your fucking pity." Negan spat, and Rick sighed a little, looking at the ground.

"I don't want to pity you. I want you to talk to me." Rick replied.

"I just want to die. It's better than living like this, Rick. Please, please just fucking kill me. It'll be easy, I won't even fight. Quick bullet to the head - so I can't come back as one of the undead - and it's over. Remember you wanted to kill me? This is your chance!" Negan was rambling, and Rick turned, looking at Negan and stopping his talking.

"I'm not going to kill you." Rick responded quietly, and Negan made a disappointed sort of noise.

"Please, Rick.." Negan looked at him, and it strangely hurt Rick to see the tears in his eyes, begging to die.

"Lucille... she wanted to die. She knew she was going to die." Negan fell back down, and Rick tensed a little.

"She was sick. And I stuck by her side, and she... she hated me for it. She hated that I still loved her." Negan chuckled sadly, and Rick wanted to hug him, wrap his arms around him and hold him. But it was Negan.

"She.. she went into a coma when everything happened. Died when the power went to shit, and came back. I didn't have the fucking balls to kill her. I just let her go, I ran. Like the asshole I am." Negan kept going, and Rick was quiet.

"I loved her until the day she died." Negan said softly, and Rick found he was reaching a hand to his leg, squeezing gently. Negan jumped at the sudden contact, looking at Rick with almost a look of fear.

"I'm sorry, about Lucille." Rick finally spoke, and Negan was quiet.

"You don't have to talk about her, Negan. I can leave." Rick added.

"No. No please just stay.. Rick please stay..." Negan pleaded, and Rick nodded.

"Don't talk about her anymore. I can see, just looking at your face, it was rough. Left a.. bad taste in your tongue." Rick found the words coming out of his mouth weren't voluntary. Negan sat up, almost leaning on Rick. Rick let him.

"Why are you such a good guy?" Negan questioned, and Rick almost laughed out loud. Instead, he let out a breathy chuckle, looking at Negan.

"I'm not a good guy, Negan." Rick shook his head. Negan looked at him, raising a brow.

"Are you fucking kidding?" Negan chuckled in turn, and Rick suddenly found he was very aware of their closeness. He reached up, wiping the tears from Negan's face, and Negan shivered involuntarily, eyes never leaving Rick's. He almost leaned into Rick's touch, and my god if Rick wasn't attracted to him before, he was now.

"I'm not." Rick replied softly. They were both quiet, and Rick got up and left, deciding that he couldn't do anything. And truthfully, he wasn't sure if Negan would either.