Hiraeth [H.S.]

3.

^A cafe to help you imagine (you'll know when :))
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It's fall

I fucking love fall.

I love how everything is painted in different colors at once. I love the feeling of a slight breeze on my face. I love being cozy and staying inside with my hot chocolate and a book. I love the feeling of being warm while it's cold outside.

While my dad wasn't drinking he used to take me camping in the fall. It was a long drive there but it was always worth it. We made s'mores,and watched the sunrise. I don't know why, but I just love every single thing about fall.

I wish I could go back to when times were more simple.

I especially like the beautiful colors of the leafs that are falling from the trees.

The only thing that I didn't love about fall was everybody to me always looked sad, so most of my flowers that I was painting were deep shades of grey, blue and purple.

I know some people don't like fall because of the rain, but I love it, there is just something about drinking tea while reading a book next to a window while it's raining. It's so calming.

Some people find rain depressing but to me it brings calmness.

I just felt so relaxed listening to little droplets of water taping against the window.

But when I moved to New York I stopped enjoying it.

It's probably because fall at home was always bringing me memories of the good times, and when I moved it was only reminding me of the things I lost.

Like that Ice cream shop th-

"Elle, are you ready yet" Luna's voice brought me back to reality.

"What are you doing?" my best friend asked me.

Luna is the most cheerful person you could ever meet.

She just has that effect on people.
She can pull out a smile from everyone.

You can't not smile when you talk to her. You don't need to be happy to smile around her.

I  met her a few years after I moved, we met at a small coffee shop. She just came to me and said that I look like someone who is having a bad day.

She bought me pancakes and coffee,
we talked, exchanged numbers, and the rest is history. We didn't have some kind of a special first time meeting, it just happened, and we always just continued talking and hanging out.

That day I was actually not having a bad, bad day, it could've been worse.

It has been 2 years since I moved to New York when we met, and I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry till then.

I was remembering the times when we were all a happy family, when my dad didn't drink, when my mom had her job and didn't need to find a new one every month.

When we were all yellow flowers...

I was just wanting to go back to our happy family life.

"Um, nothing I was just thinking"

"About?" Lu asked me. She always wanted to know what I am thinking about. She knows that I can sometimes get lost in my head. When she met me I was a total head case.

My panic attacks got a lot worse too.
But she made me go to therapy and I am truly thankful for everything that she did for me.

Without her maybe I would not have been here this long.