The right path

Twenty eight

The day after the incident in the underground refuge was tense. Neither boy wanted to acknowledge their behavior from the day prior, but both of them could clearly recall what had happened. And they knew the other knew, which somehow made matters worse. Needless to say, breakfast was an awkward affair.

What was their saving grace was that they had different chores that day, and they hadn't had to deal with each other for some time. It could be Ms. Cole's way of making sure they didn't corrupt the other children or something similar. Unfortunately, after lunch they would need to face it, for they had to go into muggle London together to fetch the potato bags that corresponded to the orphanage that week, seeing as they were the oldest of the bunch.

That future encounter was especially frightening for Harry, who, apart from his frantic thoughts about it, had to deal with James' teasing. As he was deweeding the vegetable patch he had to suffer every  second of it, with ideas ranging from 'You told Riddle you didn't want him to leave', to 'Small Harrikins is in love'.

And that was the most terrifying thing. Because, even if Harry didn't know if what he felt for Riddle was love, he now understood that there was something more to it than friendship. Starting from how he didn't consider him at the same level as Ron or Orion, and taking into account how much he wanted to impress Tom every single time. And the most important thing: he felt safe in Tom's embrace, he wanted more of it. At the very least, he had a big crush. And that was wreaking havoc in his mind. Because he had never considered the possibility of being anything but straight, given that he grew up with the Dursleys. And Merlin knows how these people think of anything 'abnormal'. Did this new development make Harry a freak? He had never wondered how homosexuality was viewed in the magical world, and he wasn't sure how to find out. Or if he even wanted to find out. What would happen if he was a freak after all? Now that for the first time he had a pretty clean slate he didn't want to waste it. That was obviously not taking into account that Tom Riddle, the most emotionally stunted person Harry could think of, was his crush.

Harry's internal musings were, of course, heard by James, who was equally delighted and terrified by the events of the night prior. On one hand, he was squealing like a schoolgirl because at long last one of the boys had noticed their feelings, and their relationship had at least advanced a little step in the right direction. However, on the other hand, he would need to face the utter panic attack Harry was sure to have while in their mindscape, followed by absolute denial and probably self loathing. And that would not do. Falling in love was one of the best experiences a person should have, it was not supposed to be depressing, or negative at all, even less so because someone was fearful of what people would think of their sexuality. If something was clear for James, it was that love was one of the most powerful forces in life, and they were the living proof of that, after surviving a killing curse because of it (partly at least). Love is love, and that's that.

Now, the next problem James would need to tackle was 'the talk'. Which was also one of the reasons why this moment was terrifying, because he had never in his wildest dreams imagined that he would need to have this type of conversation with his younger self. But having the conversation was important, because he couldn't know wether someone would tell Harry later on, and Fred and George Weasley were not available in this timeline to do the job, as they did with himself when they found out he had the hots for their sister. James swore he would try to make it less traumatic, too.

And lastly, James would need to tackle the fact that Harry had a crush on Tom Riddle. It would not be easy to explain how Tom probably didn't know what he felt towards Harry, while also reassuring the boy that there was a chance Tom felt the same way. It was complicated, but Harry would probably understand what he meant. Tom cannot know what love feels like because he hadn't experienced it before, but James was 80 percent sure that Tom indeed had a crush on Harry too.

So, after some time of silence from James' part, Harry finished his morning chores with an inside turmoil and a heavy heart. And without realising, he stepped into his mindscape, where James was awaiting with a prepared speech to soothe his worries. Or make them bigger, that was also a very real possibility.

Meanwhile, inside the orphanage building, Tom was having a very similar time while dusting the playroom. The main difference being that he was talking to Nirali instead.

He could not, for the life of him, understand his actions from the night prior. He could not grasp why he had felt the need to protect Potter. Or why, since the boy began challenging him during classes he had started to feel possessive of him. Nevermind the whole plethora of unknown emotions that went berserk every time they spent time in the Room of Requirements. Or the fact that the tingle thing they experienced when they locked eyes had intensified in the last weeks. He couldn't even understand why he was afraid of recruiting the boy, of showing him all of himself. He was Tom Riddle, he was not afraid of anything other than the inevitable death. However, somehow, he couldn't picture the boy submitting to himself. It was not right. He had started to feel as if Potter and himself were some sort of equals that should be standing as such in his quest for greatness. And that was yet another thing he couldn't understand. He had never been someone to share.

Nirali said it was because they were supposed to mate. That made Tom feel absolutely lost, and he hated it. He, of course, understood the concept of what Nirali was suggesting. But could it be? That he wanted Potter in that way? Or most importantly, did he want to unlock all of his emotions, for the sake of having said boy? Tom Riddle had always considered any kind of relationship a weakness, but thinking back to what Potter had told him in Christmas, he could now believe that maybe relationships also made you stronger. Hesitant as he may be about it, he couldn't shake that concept out of his mind.

Yet, there was a big part of him that wasn't ready to trust anyone in that way. And for the second time in that day, Tom had to admit that he was afraid of another thing: of giving it a chance and fail. Because yes, he wanted Potter, and he shall have him. What he didn't know was how much that decision would cost him. Because he had never known this side of the world, and he hated not to know everything. And even if Tom Riddle didn't understand what he was feeling, he did know one thing: Harry Potter was going to be his.