Survivor

Chapter Eleven

Meredith leans over the cool, white toilet bowl in front of her, emptying the contents of her stomach once again. Cristina sits behind her, gently holding her hair back as she pukes for the third time this morning.

"I can't do this, Cristina." Meredith groans, collapsing back onto the cool tile that makes up the bathroom floor and pressing a piece of toilet paper to her lips.

"Yes, you can. Don't you want to see him put away?"

"No, no I don't want to see him. I see him every damn time I close my eyes, the last thing I need is to go sit ten feet away from him for days."

It's the morning of the preliminary hearing of the trail. It's about 6 AM, and the trial begins at 9:00. The stress from yesterday's events is finally catching up to her, and more than anything she just wants to sleep. But sleep isn't an option. Not only because she has to be at court in a few hours, but also that she can get a maximum of three hours before she's awoken by some terrible nightmare.

"Everything hurts." She complains.

"Look, you don't have to testify today. Today is preliminary, right? Today is just for the lawyers to battle it out. Just sit there and don't look at him. You don't even have to make eye contact. He'll be in cuffs and surrounded by police, not to mention literally the entire FBI team that will be downstairs in an hour."

Meredith sighs, resting against the floor. She closes her eyes, ignoring the taste of puke in her mouth. Her ribs are sore, her leg is sore, her everything is sore. 

"I'm not this person, Cristina," She starts quietly. "I'm not some weak little girl who can't face her fears. I feel...trapped. Like my body is here but my mind isn't. I'm constantly in hell, there's no escape. I can't...I just can't."

Cristina softens, not knowing what to say. She wants to embrace Meredith but knows that probably won't do any good either unless she initiates the contact.

"You'll get through this, Mer. I know you will. You're right, you're not some weak little girl. You're...amazing. The strongest person I know. God, there isn't a word to rightfully describe you. But you've got to pick yourself up here, just get through the day."

The two women are quiet, until the bathroom door opens, making Meredith jump. She relaxes when she recognizes Alex. 

"Shepherd made breakfast if you want it." He offers, setting a plate of scrambled eggs down. "Figured you wouldn't feel like coming down."

"Oh god," Meredith is up from her spot instantly, leaning over the toilet again as she heaves. There's nothing left in her body, it's just a gross, clear liquid coming up now. "I'm sorry," She whispers, still hanging over the toilet. "Thank you but take it away, please. I'm sorry."

Alex just nods and removes the plate, leaving the two women in the bathroom alone again. After a few minutes, Meredith feels okay enough to move from her spot over the toilet back to sitting on the ground, leaning against the tub. Alex returns, this time with a glass of water, which he hands to Meredith.

"Drink," he orders softly. "You need to stay hydrated."

The blonde nods and accepts the cup, gratefully washing away the aftertaste of her puke. Another ten minutes pass and she finally stands, with the help of Cristina. 

"I'm okay, go get yourself ready," Meredith says, moving to the sink to brush her teeth. Cristina hesitates, but Meredith waves a hand, beckoning her away, so the cardio surgeon leaves. After brushing her teeth, Meredith makes her way back to the bedroom, finding the clothes she had laid out the night before.

A pair of black dress pants and a plain, light blue button-up shirt. She slips the clothes on, finding a pair of black flats to wear as well, then goes back to the bathroom. She studies her face in the mirror, cringing at her appearance.