A Teenage Girl's Devotional

Self Esteem

        Let's be honest we all have those days (usually while I'm on my period) where we just feel like we are the ugliest things to ever walk the face of the earth. If you were like me those days happened more than usual. Middle school throughout my junior year in high school I absolutely hated myself. I hated everything about me. I hated my hair, I hated my body, I hated my face, and I hated my personality. I just wanted it all to go away. I used to blame my parents for the way I looked. I know it sounds stupid but I did. I used to think that it was their faults that I looked like this. I think that's the reason why my parents and I had a very unhealthy relationship for the longest time. When I couldn't blame my parents anymore, started blaming God. I know what your thinking... "THAT'S SO STUPID!!!!! WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT!?!?!?"  In all honesty I actually don't know why I did it. I just kept thinking to myself, "Out of all the ways God could have made me, he made me to look like his?!?!?" And I used to get so upset. So upset  to the point  I would cry and I wouldn't eat. Or I would hide myself in my room.

        When I was a freshman, I hit absolute rock bottom.I didn't make the volley ball team which was something that I really wanted. All my friends had moved away and I was the only one left. When my friends left its like I had no one and that I was all by myself. I completely stopped caring about myself. Everyday when I would get up to go to school I wouldn't even look in the mirror at myself. I would just throw on the first thing I saw. It didn't even have to match or be ironed. I would show up to school in ugly sweatpants and old shirts that were like four sizes too big. I never brushed or combed my hair. I was just so depressed and sad, and I didn't care about mysef at all. My grades were so bad freshman year too. I honestly don't even know how I passed. I don't know what came over me. It's just like i gave up. 

        I remember crying everyday asking God to change my face. Change my body. Change my hair. The color of my skin. I just wanted him to give me a complete transformation, because I was in such discust of the way I looked. Looking back to all the things I told myself and all the things that I did, I wish I could go back and tell myself that it's ok. I wish I can tell myself that its fine. That God loved you and that he never stopped loving you. I wish that I could tell myself that it's ok that every guy in school isn't looking at you. I wish that I could have stood up for myself more,and not let what those other kids said about me effect me so much. But it's in the past and theres no going back now.

        But I want to tell you something that I wish someone would have told me back then. You are beutiful. You are wonderfullly made. God makes absolutely no mistakes. He had a picture of you, befoere your mom even found out that she was pregnant with you.

Song of Solomon 4:7 "Thou art all fair, my love: there is no spot in thee."

        That means when God made you from the start, he didn't mess up. He knew exactly what he wanted you to look like. He wanted you to turn out this way. He has a special MAN (not boy) planned out just for you. Did you know that when you call yourself ugly or when you tear yourself down that it hurts God? It hurts him so much, because he loves you and he didn't make a mistake with you.

        You are personally created by him and no one else on the face on this earth is like you. Your unique and special. And I want you to remember that. It's ok if no guys at school don't have your attention. Because God has your attention. And God is way more important than them (trust me). It's ok if your not as popular as the othe girls. Your popular to God and that's what matters. I know how it feels to feel alone. But just rember that whenever you feel alone, God is with you. God said that he will not leave you or forsake you. And he means that. Every verse in the bible is true. I promise that.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you so much for waking me up this morning. I love you with all my heart and know that you have a plan for me. Please allow me to see the beauty you have blessed me with. And allow me to love myself like the way you love me and to not tear myself down anymore. I'm sorry for the hurt that i've caused you when I said something bad about myself. Thank you for always being there and I love you soooo much. Amen.