chapter one
It happened last night when I was on the phone with my mom.
She had told me that Noah was back from studying aboard in Europe.
At first, I was like whatever. I could care less about him. He was the one who broke my heart back in high school and made me scared to ever confess to someone again.
But then, she continued and told me that he was going to enroll into the same university as me starting this fall quarter. It was then, I had lost my marbles and accidentally dropped my favorite mug onto the kitchen floor.
And here I was, sad about my mug. Anxious about going to school. Angry about Noah coming back.
Staring out the car window, I stared at the dark clouds hovering and the light droplets of rain hitting the window of the car.
"Micky," I said, resting my head against the cool surface of the car window. "Do you think I could keep my cool if I were to see Noah?"
I met Micky through Noah. Micky was Noah's cousin and my best friend since we were kids, who became my roommate in university. She was always there for me and always made me feel better.
"In all honesty, no," she replied. "But you should."
Hearing that response, I sighed as I felt the anxiety inside me growing bigger and bigger as we got closer to school.
***
When we arrived at school, everything was normal. I mean, it's normal that it's normal. There were other students walking around campus while you'd occasionally see professors here and there as well. Everything was fine.
Yet I couldn't push this feeling of uneasiness aside. The fear from the thought of me maybe running into him somewhere, somehow was consuming me.
I mean, I liked him since middle school. Like, a lot. It was really hard to suppress these feelings back then, trying to act normal. It was also really hard trying to forget about him after he had left for Europe after graduation.
Honestly, I don't even know if I'm over him now... two years has passed since I confessed to him and we went through some shit... but... even after that...
There wasn't a day that passed without me thinking about him.
Micky kept reassuring me that I'd be okay and that even if I did run into him, that I just needed to ignore him. And even if he did try to talk to me, I just needed to keep my cool and talk to him.
But obviously, it's all easier said than done.
With all these thoughts inside my head, I felt as if my head was about to explode and I wanted to go back home. But I needed to "man-up" and face this sucky reality.
Walking through campus, I tried my best to just look straight ahead and not make eye-contact with anyone as if that would actually make the slightest difference...
At this point, I felt so pathetic that I was disappointed in myself. Clearly, I wasn't over Noah nor the situation when I should be.
Sighing, I walked behind one of the school buildings and pulled out my pack of cigarettes. Taking one out of the box, I put it in between my lips lighting it up. Putting the lighter back into the pocket of my hoodie, I stared once again at the gloomy sky and smoked in silence.
My fingers were getting cold as it was windy outside. Shoving my free hand into the pocket of my jeans, I continued to smoke with my other hand as I shivered.
After a few more puffs, I put the cigarette out before putting it into outdoor ashtray.
Turning on my heel, I started walking towards the building where my first lecture was located as I tried to push all the thoughts relating to Noah out of my head.
It only took a few minutes for me to arrive to class and the first thing I did as soon as I arrived was scanning the room to make sure Noah wasn't there.
Pathetic Blair, I thought to myself.
Shaking my head, I quickly grabbed a seat before the lecture begun.
***
The day went by in a breeze and I didn't see Noah all day. After my first lecture had ended, I just went to my second class right after then ate lunch before heading home with Micky. It felt like a normal day and I mean, it was a normal day.
I started to wonder if I was just thinking too much of the situation.
Getting flustered and emotional with just the image of Noah in my head made me feel stupid and sick.
Sighing, I rolled over to my side as I hugged my teddybear plushie.
"Why am I like this?" I mumbled to myself. "This is so pathetic and stupid."
Staring at the ceiling of my room, I replayed my last moments with Noah in my head.
"I told you it was a mistake," I remember him saying.
God, that day he looked so cute... I remember, he was wearing a black hoodie with a pair of grey sweats and he just... looked so good...
Well, he looked good in everything with his tall slim-fit figure... and that cute mole under his dark, dreamy emerald green eyes? Oh my god, I always wanted to kiss it.
I remember throughout all of middle school and high school, he was always popular. Everyone had liked him. It was hard for anyone to NOT like him... I mean... he was nice, caring, AND good-looking? How can someone NOT like him?
And here I was again, trying to get over him yet at the same time fangirling over him.
Frustrated and annoyed at my own stupidity, I just closed my eyes and pulled my blanket over my head before falling asleep.
•••
First chapter has been served!
It was quite short, yes. But do not worry as all my future chapters will not be this short. This was more like a taste-tasting type of thing, yknow?
I hope everyone enjoyed the first chapter.
Stick around for more drama, xx.
- CRUSH92
YOU ARE READING
Fxxk You
Dla nastolatków"I told you it was a mistake," he said as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. After all these years of loving him, I thought I finally understood him and I thought I was finally given a chance to be part of his life. But clearly, I...
