It Never Happened (Skins)

From: Chris ; To: Jal

I love you.

I love you I love you I love you.

I wish I could tell you in some other way, invent a word or something, but I'm not good with them, you know? Especially with the way you make me feel. I don't want have to say something that everyone has already said to the person they love, but... fuck it.

I love you.

I didn't want to leave you, Jal. And it's not like I planned to. I—I'm sorry. I left you when you needed me the most. I'm a jack-ass, I know, but I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, Jal, and I wish I could tell you in person, but I can't. I can't and I just... I can't.

I don't know what I'm meant to say. I was perfectly happy killing myself, but then you asked me to try. And for the first time in my life it felt like someone actually gave a shit, and that that person was worth trying for. And—and now... I'd make the world record biggest sandwich if you asked me to. I'd kick old grannies in the tits. I'd fill the rivers with Panda Pops. I fucked up big time. I'm more than sorry. I love you Jal. You're my whole world.

Bubbles. They go up, and up and up and then ... disappear. Poof.

And I guess that was my life, huh?

I wish I could've loved you sooner. I'm an idiot. You're perfect, you know that? I wish I could've held your hand longer, kissed you more. But dammit, Jal, you should've told me about the baby sooner. You should've - you should've done something. Maybe I could've helped. I could've been there for you.

But I can't, and I'm not, and I'm sorry.

If there's a heaven and hell, you probably know where I'm going, right? Who knows, maybe I'm with my brother, chillin', getting higher than heaven's clouds.

But here's something I do know.

The sky is blue and the grass is green... Everything's cool.

And I love you.

—Chris