Ayanokouji as a female? - ONE SHOTS

My Light in the Tunnel - part I

A/N: I used here fragments from the 3rd volume. It is a waste to those who were expecting Ryuen :) But I hope you like it.

Karuizawa Kei's POV

I'm in the school bathroom now and looking at my reflection in the mirror. I saw myself, Karuizawa Kei in the reflection. I didn't have a particular facial expression now, thanks to the thoughts that came to my mind.

I felt like I was with my head in the clouds. So much has changed for me.

And it started with...

_________ 

Some time ago I thought my life was depressing and I had to be strong to survive in this rotten society. 

Childhood? It wasn't so bad yet, but I wouldn't have counted it among the good ones though. It was nice to be in kindergarten, then still my father used to be normal. He hasn't been angry so often yet, and my mother was quite happy.

The worst was when I attended elementary school.

Every day I woke up and thought about what the fucked-up day would be today and what would happen to me this time. Yeah, I was bullied at school. Buckets of water were spilled on me when I was in the toilet. I was kicked and talked about behind my back and even close to being molested and harassed. 

I was kicked, bullied and hit by my own father. Terrible family situation, awful school situation. I felt just.. empty about that.

I endured it at the cost of my mental health, but I endured it. I am still myself...

_________ 

When I was still in elementary school, I was really depressed by it, but I could stand it. It was okay. I was thinking about it when I was going to my new high school.

My thoughts were even suicidal then, because why should I waste my life on such matters? On such awful and terrible actions that happened to me?

Hah, suicide?! What a crap! I, Karuizawa Kei, is not running away from problems, I'm trying to fight them instead! I am protecting myself!

I always heard on TV and sometimes even in books when I was told to read for school. They said that no matter what happens to you, no matter how lost you are, you should look for your light in the tunnel. 'Enjoy life, enjoy your youth.'

I thought to myself then, 'what kind of bullshit is this?' The light in the tunnel, what else? I don't have such a thing for myself, I can only count on myself.

I graduated from my previous school and got into this high school. Advanced Nurturing High School. The so-called school of dreams, huh. It is said that it is luxury.

I didn't believe it from the beginning, school of dreams? Hah, as if such a thing really existed. Just another bullshit.

_________ 

I entered the class then and was already planning to make my first friends, to protect myself with the immunity of having many friends and connections.

As I noticed Hirata Yosuke, I knew who to aim at.

I ended up telling him a part of my school bullying and mixing a few lies with it. I was just waiting for the right moment to attack.