she's mine

sarah | take me to church

       I look over my appearance one more time in the mirror to make sure it wouldn't upset my religious mother. I only had light makeup on, my dark hair pulled back into a ponytail, plain gold glasses on my face, and a simple summer dress that fell to my knees on top of a turtleneck.

       I head downstairs to find my dress shoes and pull those on before climbing into the van with my 6 younger siblings, all younger than me. I end up in the far backseat sandwiched between my 14 year old sister Rachel and my 13 year old sister Rebekah, who were bickering because Rebekah took too long in the shower so Rachel didn't have time to curl her hair.

      "Both of you stop it," I scold.

     "Rachel just wants to look pretty for a boy!" Rebekah tattles.

     "Shut up!" Rachel screeches, her blue eyes death glaring our younger sister. She was the only light eyed sibling, and they were frightening when she glared. Sometimes she glared and it reminded me of my girlfriends blue eyed older sister.

     "Rebekah quit teasing your sister, Rachel don't yell in the car," I say.

      Before either of them can start fighting again the door to the house opens with my parents coming out, and all of the siblings go quiet, even the 6 year old. They knew our parents would give us another hour of bible study if they heard fighting on a Sunday.

        My parents get in and I make sure to duck my head behind the headrest of the seat in front of me so my mom can't tell I'm not singing along with the gospel song she's singing with the younger kids in the front seat.

     Ten torturous minutes later we pull into the church parking lot and all pile out before heading inside. My youngest sister Miriam tugs at my hand so I sigh and pick her up, holding her on my hip. At 6 years old I could hold her still but she was getting close to the point I wouldn't be able to carry her any longer.

      We file into the small chapel and take our seats, listening to Pastor Fields talk about how being Christlike is not always the popular thing to do. Somehow the talk leads into a womans duties and I clench my jaw to avoid pulling any sort of face. Hearing about how it was a womans duty to birth children and provide for her husband was excruciating.

        I watch the clock as I tap my foot, hoping for all of this to be over.

     After what feels like an eternity the church bell rings, signaling the end of worship. I stand up and wander to the back to get a drink of water from the fountain, knowing my mom would be talking to her friends for a while before we could leave.

        I straighten after getting drink and see a man I've never seen here before that is at least 10 years older than me looking at my ass, but when he sees I notice he looks at me disapprovingly.

        "You shouldn't wear dresses that short, it's of the devil to tempt a man before marriage."

       "My dress goes to my knees, it might have lifted a little when I bent down for a drink but I promise my butt was covered the whole time" I say, looking down and seeing that it was in fact grazing the tops of my knees.

      "I didn't realize that the people at this church find this kind of behavior acceptable, you should never talk back to a man," he says before storming off towards the Pastor.

      Dear Lord, my mother better finish talking soon. I step outside so hopefully the crazy dude doesn't find me, sitting on the garden ledge. I pull out my phone and see a text from my girlfriend Bella telling me to hang in there, and I smile and text her back. She knew how much I hated Sundays.

       "Sarah Esther Louis!" I hear my mother yell and I close my eyes and take a breath before turning to face her.

     "How dare you embarrass me like this! I hear from the pastor that my daughter is dressed like a whore and bending over tempting men! You're grounded for a week!"

      "But I was just getting water—"

     "I don't want to hear it. Where did you even get that dress? I don't want to see you wear anything that shows your knees here. You're almost a grown woman it is your job to not tempt men before you are married."

        Little did she know I didn't want a man. She didn't know I was gay, and she didn't know about my girlfriend that I had been with for almost 6 months now.

     "Yes ma'am," I mutter, hanging my head down.

     "Go get in the car before anyone else sees you dressed like a harlot," she says before storming off to round up the rest of my siblings.

      I sigh and climb in the car, enjoying the quiet for just a moment before my 16 year old brother David climbs in the car.

        "Tempting men again?" he teases causing me to roll my eyes.

     "Shut up."

           "I've heard the rumors about you you know."

     "What rumors? The ones about old men checking me out while I get drinks of the ater?"

     "No, kids at school have said you have a girlfriend."

      My heart stops. If my parents found out I would be grounded for life.

      "I have lots of friends that are girls," I play off.

     "You know what I mean Sarah," he says, watching me closer. He was definitely on to me.

     "Like I could hide a secret girlfriend from the whole family," I say, forcing a laugh,"in fact, I recently started talking to a boy from the community college."

     "Oh really?" David asks,"so he'll be at Isaac's birthday party next week?"

      "I'll see if he can," I lie.

   "I would love to meet. this boyfriend of yours, that is definitely real."

       Fuck. Now I just needed to find a boy to pretend to be my boyfriend. Problem is most the kids at my school that weren't homophobic knew I was with Bella. Meaning I would have to talk to Bella and see if she could get one of her brothers friends to help me.