𝚂𝙾𝙱𝚁𝙸𝙴𝚃𝚈 𝚆𝙾𝙽𝚃 𝚃𝙴𝙰𝙲𝙷 𝙺𝙸𝙳𝚂 𝚃𝙾 𝙳𝙰𝙽𝙲𝙴 ,, j. b routledge

14| the simulation just went bad, but you're the best i've ever had

Chapter Fourteen

Bloody Valentine ( Machine Gun Kelly + Travis Barker )

"the simulation just went bad but you're the best i've ever had"

Rafe and I were completely silent during the ferry ride. It wasn't that neither of us had anything to say, because we did. I just had no idea how to say it. I had no idea how to put into words what Luke Maybank had done to me, or how destroyed I was after I ended things with Rafe. That's my problem. I feel things so strongly, then can't explain to anybody why.

Briefly I debated calling John B as I propped my checkered Vans clad feet up on the railing, but the crappy battery in my four-year-old iPhone kind of made that hard when it decided to die right as started typing him a text.

Once we disembarked the ferry, I weighed the pros and cons of talking to Rafe. I figured that it couldn't hurt, and two hours of silence with my ex didn't sound very appealing.

"Are you doing alright?" I started "You know, after earlier."

"Yeah, I mean I did get shot but Mrs. Callahan said I was fine."

"Wow." I grinned "Kelce has a last name. You know, for the longest time I wondered if Kelce was his last name."

After we finished laughing, Rafe turned to me. "How are you doing? I know seeing Favio wasn't the highlight of your day."

I sighed "I'll be fine. Once we deal with the whole he-accidentally-got-a-mob-hit-on-us mess."

"I'm really sorry about how things ended." Rafe began "I was a jerk, and I know with what happened to your mom that the whole drug thing was a few times worse-"

"It wasn't just that." I cut him off "I used to work for JJ's dad, before I started doing cars on my own. We needed some extra money to cover the cell phone bills, and we still had outstanding debt from Vittoria's legal fees, so one night I went to see Luke and tried to get some extra shifts. He was having a business meeting when I went inside, and these guys were far from respectable businessmen."

"So what happened?"

"I found out that he was running drugs. I always suspected, but I guess I was more dangerous with finite proof." I could feel tears pricking the back of my eyes. "He beat the crap out of me, Rafe. I stumbled out of there limping and covered in blood. People in Kildare talk. It's not that big of an Island."

"The same drugs that caused her last employer to beat the daylight out of her for trying to pick up extra shifts?"

I knew Ward's shouted words from what felt like decades ago were ringing in Rafe's ears, and I could sense that he was putting all the pieces back together.

"Luke Maybank, he didn't..." Rafe trailed off. I knew there was a four letter word he was dancing delicately around.

"No, God no." I shook my head "But word travels fast, things get jumbled. It's a giant game of broken telephone, and the aftermath made it feel like he did. Like I was something fragile, not to be touched. Big John and mom went down to JJ's the morning after. Made sure J was with us instead. They gave him a piece of their mind, but Peterkin couldn't make anything stick. Luke Maybank is as slick as it gets on our side of the island."

"Christ, Sienna. I wish you'd told me."

"I was surprised you didn't already know."

We slowed our pace in what I considered to be Chapel Hill's main square, stopping outside Ben Silver as the light started to die and the wind got cold. I shivered, and suddenly the chivalrous Rafe Cameron I had once known returned.

"Let me buy you a sweater."

"Rafe, no. I can't let you spend any more money on me." The boy wouldn't take no for an answer, grabbing me by the wrist and dragging me into Ben Silver.

"What about this one? It goes with your eyes."

A statement like that was enough to dredge up a memory from times past. From a Rafe that no longer existed outside my memory.

"Come on Sienna!" the Kook boy encouraged, dragging me into a boutique

"Rafferty, babe, this is so not my scene" I chuckled, allowing the blond to drag me through aisles of expensive clothes I wouldn't even have worn back in Charleston as a wealthy forensic psychiatrist's daughter.

"Rafe, come on." I whined as he started sifting through a rack of sundresses "I'll probably only wear it once!"

"It's worth every penny just to see you in it once." He smiled, pulling out a pink dress patterned delicately in strawberries.

"Well, it really pretty." I said quietly, reaching out to feel the soft fabric between my fingers.

"Then it's settled, we're buying it."

"Alright." I chuckled, "We'll get the sweater, but eventually I will pay you back."

"I'm not holding you to that."

"You should!"

We left the Ben Silver store, the top half of my body now covered in a $95 dark teal sweater that went down to my knees. Rafe and I hit up one of our old haunts, a milkshake place that put the good vodka inside every drink they made.

"What happened to you, Rafe?" I asked, sitting on a picnic table near the water "What turned us from vodka milkshakes and late night ferry rides to fights and angry sex and misery?"

"I changed. I did one line of cocaine at a party just to try it, and then i was dipping into what I was supposed to be selling, at least one line every two hours. I had it really bad, Sienna. I still do. But I didn't want to admit that I had a problem, and i ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me."

I reached over and gently put one of my tanned hands on top of his paler ones. "Rafe..."

He simply shook his head "What about you and the Routledge boy? He treating you better than I did?"

I nodded "Yeah. I'm really happy with him."

"That's really good, Sienna. I'm so sorry for how things happened."

"Don't apologize. I bailed, when I should have gotten you the help you needed."

"It wasn't your fight." Rafe protested "That was all on me."

We drifted into a comfortable silence as we watched the sun go down over the pier before I finally decided it was time to head back to Kildare.