Arcadia [h.s.]

Chapter 15

He can make you love / He can make you cry / He will bring you down / Then he'll get you high

Arcadia
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It was Damien's idea to watch a movie tonight at a vintage theatre downtown and while Noel wasn't particularly thrilled about it, he had a good taste in film.

Of course, this must have been a date because he paid for the ticket, food, and even tried grabbing her hand a few times. Noel let him but only because she felt guilty doing otherwise.

She knew this was stupid, her gut told her this every time he locked eyes with her. But for reasons she thought were justified, she didn't bother putting a stop to it.

Do you know when you're swimming at the beach, and you're looking out at the water which seemed endless? The possibilities to swim far traveled thousands of miles in a distance that, at a certain point, cannot be seen. You want to travel that distance, but because it is so dangerous and people are so prone to chaos, there's a lifeguard on duty to keep you from making the stupid decision of swimming too far.

That's what Damien felt like to Noel. The lifeguard who makes sure she doesn't travel too far into the adventure.

When Noel began paying more attention to the movie rather than her thoughts, she found herself inserted into the lives of the characters again. But it was minutes into the climax of the film where this event was happening to the main character which felt all too similar to Noel.

She knew she should have stopped paying attention, but how could she? Her heart was racing and her knees began to fidget around.

Of course, Damien asked her what was wrong.

"Oh, I'm just really sensitive," Noel chuckled even though what was happening in the film was giving her a reminder she wished to forget.

Damien just chuckled too and nodded before placing his eyes back on the movie. This time, Noel felt him grabbing her hand which was placed on the armrest of the seat. She just watched their hands intertwine while he kept his focus on the film.

Because the film was triggering an emotion inside of her, one she tried so hard to conceal, it was better to indulge in the unease of his hand holding hers rather than the imagery on the screen that made her want to leave the theatre altogether.

Maybe it wasn't a good idea to watch this film.

Arcadia

As soon as Noel got back to her apartment, she slammed the door shut, turned around so her back faced it, and let herself feel again.

She began to breathe almost uncontrollably as horrific flashbacks played in her head.

Her body shook when she slid down onto the floor to curl into a ball. She hated this. She hated the fact that something as simple as a film could make her think about such horrendous things. All it took was ten seconds from a two-hour movie to get her heart to race, her body to feel ten times the heat it did before.

But, Noel knew this wasn't okay. It wasn't okay to let herself get so worked up, because that meant she was letting this thing win.

Instead, she got up from the floor and took more deep breaths to shake off the dizziness.

Her shoes came off, then her coat.