history repeats itself.
james sirius potter x fem!oc
harry potter next generation
cover: "the lovers" by aseamlessbonds on deviantart
not edited AT ALL. lots of grammatical errors and plot holes.
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DIX NEUF
nothing's as it seems!
( tw: mentions of anxiety, ptsd & traumatic events )
LILY EDWARDS STAYED awake the first night back.She couldn't stop her thoughts from invading her mind. And perhaps, that was the most dangerous thing: her thoughts.
Overthinking was a habit that she'd had for a while and she knew she shouldn't do it, but when it was 3 am and there weren't classes the next day, what else could she do?
So what was she thinking about? Well, it started off about bunnies ( because why not ) and it ended with one of the worst things.
The what ifs.
What if she was just the girl in James's head.
What if once he'd gotten to know her, he liked being friends with her, but no longer liked her like that.
What if she had created an image for herself that she just couldn't live up to.
What if he found moved on.
What if he found someone else. Someone better. Someone that wasn't her.
What if she was too late.
Those little what if's can tear down everything. It can make a young girl go insane because for once in her life, she was really really happy and then she just had to go and overthink everything, like she usually did. Because if you're really happy, then there's infinite room for things to go wrong, but if there's something that's already not right, then fuck my life.
Then nothing goes your way instead of everything going your way. And most times, if the former is what you are hardwired to know, then the latter can be the scariest thing in the universe.
She couldn't stop shaking in her bed and was on the brink of tears. Why couldn't she just accept the fact that she was happy? What was wrong with her? She'd already worked through this.
She thought back to primary school when her parents took her to see Dr. Grantz for the first time after a particularly rough move.
"Hi Lily! I'm Leila, it's nice to meet you!" the woman said with an overly warm voice.
