Confusion: lack of understanding; uncertainty.
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What the hell did I do that for? I just ran out of there for no reason. Usually I would walk away but not panic like that. I was beyond confused at this point. Right now I was laying in my bed looking at the same white wall, that I look at every second, of every day. I was so out of it today and when my roomate walked in it didn't make matters any better.
All he did was sit across from me on his bed, and stared at me. No words, nothing he just stared. After feeling a little uncomfortable I finally asked him what he was doing. All he did was shrug.
He shrugged.
He then turned and did what I was not expecting.
He started screaming. He just began screaming for no reason. At first I just ignored it and then I got tired of it.
"CAN YOU PLEASE SHUT UP FOR ONE MINUTE?!?" I yelled. Which yes, may have been rude at the time but at this exact moment I did not care. After yelling it was just silence. He lifted his head and just started crying. Okay, now im going to help him.
I rose from my bed and walked over to the crying boy. I then wrapped my arms around him and he clung to my shirt like his life depended on it. Every time he tried saying something it would come out as a stutter. "I-I-I'm s-sorry I d-don't usually cry s-so much."
He finally calmed down and looked up at me. It was at that moment that I saw the true pain in his eyes. I saw all the pain and sorrow that was in his eyes. His face showed nothing but his eyes said everything. It was in that moment that I realized something.
Everyone hides their pain.
I never noticed it before but everyone here hides their pain. People I pass in the halls have blank expressions or smiles on their faces. Obviously hiding the actual pain, anger, or sadness they are feeling. I hide mine by being rude to everyone else. I push everyone away because it makes things so much easier. I don't bother with starting anything because I won't ever finish it. I don't bother with talking to someone because I'll end up annoying them in the end.
I was drowned out of my thoughts by something touching my lips...or more like
someone.
My roomate, whose name I still haven't learned was kissing me. I wasn't even sure if I was gay. I never thought about it before and what I was doing sure wasn't helping either.
I was kissing back.
