Sheltered Heart

Chapter 3

"Dad, I told you that I am fine. There is nowhere else I rather be than here", for the hundred time I try to convince him that it's safe to live here. I definitely don't want to get back to Buffalo. He has been difficult to handle since he was here last week. Coming with Serena made me realize that he really is taking her seriously. She is a very nice person. She has even managed to get him to be a better person. I can tell by the way they act around each other that they really do care. This is the first time since my mother I have seen him this happy. Makes me very pleased about having her in our lives. She even left me her phone number to call her if there was anything, she could help me with. Sometimes it feels like they forgot that I am a grown woman. I hang up walking back inside into the kitchen. Sarah looks worried at me standing in the kitchen. I ask her what's wrong, "Gary is not going to be able to make it tonight, he won't be coming in at all until next week" she blurs out. I know that she is traveling away tomorrow and that she won't be able to help me out tonight. "Has something happened?" I ask hoping that nothing bad has happened to him or his family. I don't want to sound to insecure about me staying alone still I get anxious about being alone all night. Even though I have worked here for a few months now there hasn't been a day, I have worked without Gary. Sarah looks at me giving me an understanding smile "we can close for the night, they will understand. We'll tell them that we are not able to provide them the night service," I look out towards the salon seeing Marissa the young girl by the bed closest to the bathroom. It makes me think about her being alone at night, out there. She would be safer here. I can't do that to her, nor to any of them. I have done this several times it's just for tonight, I know I can do it. "No, it's fine. I'll manage but please let me know if there is something I can do for Gary" she stares into my eyes while I try to hide my worriedness. "I promise" I add trying to convince her. She nods walking towards the staff room while I follow her, "I should go but please don't hesitate to call me if there is any problem here. And as for Gary, he will be back don't worry" Sarah responds collecting her stuff putting it in her bag. I smile listening to her instructions of everything that I already know. I know that she is worried about me and running through the routines calms her down. We make our way towards the exit. I stand by the door looking at her getting in her car until she drives away. I look around out on the streets and I can't see anyone which makes me feel safer. Closing the door behind me, I see the young girl Marissa smiling at me making me feel better. She is too young to be here and I'm still trying to find something to do to help her out. There aren't many staying the night, Fred is here. He is the nicest old veteran I have ever met. I can always rely on him to help me out. Before heading into the staff room, I count heads and turn off the lights. It's quiet in the salon, usually when I stay here at night Gary and I play dominos or card game. I guess I'll have to manage to entertain myself tonight. My cell phone vibrates, I take it out from my pocket seeing a text from Gary.

Gary: Sorry and don't worry about me.

I smile knowing that he really is sorry. It's not something he would do if it weren't that something very important got in the way. Before heading to bed, I put on a gray staff hoodie. I don't like this bed as much as I love my own bed at home. Still after months sleeping on two different types of bed, I have got used to it. The first nights here, I always woke up with a sore back. After staring at the ceiling for a while I check the time "almost 11 pm". As much as I try to fall asleep, I can't manage to even keep my eyes closed. After tossing and turning for a while I get the urge to go out and take a smoke so I can relax and fall asleep. I try to ignore it closing my eyes focusing as hard as I can, but still I don't succeed. Once again, I look at the time, it's 11.26 pm. I sit up on the bed trying to make up my mind if I should go out to the back door through the kitchen so I can smoke undetected. There is no way I am falling asleep with that one thing in my head. I'm going to do it. I get up from the bed putting on my flippers and jacket, as quietly as I can I head out the door. I leave the door unlocked which we are not allowed to do, but if I lock it, I might wake someone. And that's something I have to avoid doing. I walk towards the kitchen, unlocking the door. Also leaving it unlocked until I get back. I stare out the windows making sure that no one is out there, I look for a few minutes until I feel comfortable enough to get out. The cold air hits me hard against my cheeks when I get out. I stand there trying to light up a cigarette, but it feels impossible with the wind stopping me. Using the wall as a blocker for the wind to light out my cigarette, I finally succeed. Suddenly I hear steps behind me. I turn around as fast as I can but I'm staring at nothing, "stop it. No one is here" by saying that out loud I try to insure myself that I am alone. And that I am only making things up in my mind. All of the sudden, there are two men staring at me from a shorter distance. "Actually, you are not alone tonight," one of them says with his yellow brownish teeth. His eyes are completely red like he is on something. I recognize the man. I have seen him around here, always trying to get a bed for the night, but he always gets rejected by Sarah. When I have asked about it, she just tells me that he is not allowed inside, because of his old habits. It's must be drugs, you can tell. He has always had aggressive eyes and a harsh tone when he speaks to anyone. So, I know that he will treat me the exact same way. And I don't know how he will get if I reject him or worse, if I let him inside breaking our policy. The other one starts to get closer to me when I try not to panic, "I need to ask you to leave before my partner comes out here". I try to lie my way out of trouble, trying to convince them that it's better to leave. But I know perfectly well that there is no one coming out to help me if this gets worse. There is no one else to blame but myself. I should have stayed inside. They don't care. I insist on Gary coming out any second but the man with the aggressive tone starts to close in waving his finger right in front of my face, "we are not here to cause problems. We just want a bed to sleep" he says standing really close to me. Now scared out of my mind, I swallow hard before responding him with a soft tone. "I'm afraid I can't arrange that tonight. You gentlemen understand right?", he lets out a humming sound while he thinks about my answer. Not taking my eyes of him I pretend that I am not scared of him. "That's too bad. We will leave you to it then" he says giving me an eager false smile, almost so close that I can feel his breath on my face. He turns around walking slowly away from me to his friend. As I stand there feeling like I have won this fight. That they are about to leave when he stops to look at the parking spots in front of them building. Where our staff members are allowed to park the cars overnight. He stops staring at the parking lot hesitating if he should keep walking, "I don't see a car out here, so that means that you are alone" he says turning around towards me. I drop my cigarette in panic knowing exactly what is about to happen. I am aware that I need to act fast because otherwise something bad is going to happen to me. As fast as I can I open the door just about get in but I'm too slow. He is faster. He grabs me by the shoulder holding it hard making my bone feel like it's going to break into two pieces. He pushes me against the wall beside the door, this is the end for me. I'm about to get beaten, raped or even killed. I can't but feel like a big failure for letting this happen to me, making my families fear become reality. I scream at him to let me go while the other man is standing beside him is smiling amused, by what he is seeing. Trying to get lose from his grip makes me tired. The panic overwhelms me, I try everything to get myself free. Still he is stronger than me. Having failed by trying to kick him and moving around to escape he gets provoked enough to slap me across my face. It burns! I have never been hit before, makes me feel vulnerable and fragile, like I am a porcelain doll about to break. He is about to do it again but with a closed fist and I know that this time, it's going to hurt so much more. His fist comes towards me. In reflexes I close my eyes trying to avoid seeing what I'm about to feel, but there is no pain. That's when I hear fighting in the back, kneeling down with my hands covering my face. I open my eyes seeing someone fighting them off. The man is fighting aggressively. Giving them a right hook to an uppercut. The door beside me is left wide open, it has to be someone from the shelter. The person seems fast, quick with covering himself and used to this, because he makes the two men run off leaving me and him behind. I get up holding my hand over my cheek "wo wo, be careful" he says holding me up, so I don't fall down losing balance. I see the streetlight illuminate his face. It is Zeke. I stare into his eyes that are remarkably soft, they are different from any other time I have seen them. They are carrying and gentle, "are you okay? Here let me help you inside" he says putting his hand on the side of my stomach to help me stand up. While I lean myself towards him. He picks up the keys from the floor that I dropped still holding me, "thank you, I'm okay really." I answer him letting go of him. I can't help but admire what I just saw and that he came out to help me. Getting into the kitchen with Zeke's help, he locks the door behind him. The kitchen fan is on illuminating the stove, I look around noticing that he was in here looking for something. He notices my questionable face, "sorry, I was looking for milk" his answer makes me start to laugh uncontrollable while my cheek hurts by the slap I just received. I know that I am not laughing because I find it funny that he was looking for milk, but because knowing that his craving for milk saved me from those men. That's something I'll never forget. I walk towards the cabin beside the fridge where we store all of our dairy products. Taking out a bottle of milk. While I look for a glass I feel Zeke staring at me, "so where did you learn to fight like that?" I ask breaking the silence between us, while filling him a glass of milk. I can hear him sit down on the bar stole by the cooking counter, "that's a very long story," I give him the glass of milk while standing on the other side of the counter. I stand right in front of him noticing him staring at my cheek. The slap might have left a mark, "I used to be a boxer," he finally reveals, I would never have thought that he could beat up anyone. I observe his face, it's gentle but charismatic. He has dark brown eyes almost turning black when he looks at me with his intensity. He has a soft feature almost a baby face but still his backstory and history behind his personality is written, all over his face. Somehow you can tell that he has suffered a lot in his life. It seems like he has been through a lot. He is not skinny but lean with broad shoulders, "are you okay?" he asks me again trying to reassure that I'll live through this. I nod giving him a smile reassuring him that I am fine, he suddenly gets off the bar stole making me freeze not being able to move. Thinking that he is about to walk towards me, instead he goes the other way. Towards the freezer looking for something. For the first time I notice that he is a lot taller than me, he has an amazing body structure. He finally closes the door carrying a bag of peas giving it to me. I receive it smiling thankfully at him, "I can't imagine you as a boxer" I say turning around feeling a hot flash making me blush. I don't want him to notice so I walk towards the small fridge. Returning the bottle of milk carrying it in my hand while I hold the bag of pees against my cheek with my other. My skin is crawling where he hit me, I get a burning sensation by the cold bag against my skin. Trying to get a chance to return to my natural face color before I embarrassed myself in front of him, I work as slow as I can opening the fridge. "You know, I wasn't always homeless" he responds softly like I have insulted him. "No, no I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that. I just thought that boxer's where a lot more..." I interrupt myself from ending that sentence, looking at him blushing once again. His eyes are amused but still intensely focused on me. Embarrassment has been the least of my problem tonight, "I'm sorry, I meant that I thought boxers where a lot bigger" I continue to add more awkwardness into our conversation. A sentence I want to take back as fast as they leave my lips. He smiles revealing a smile I have never seen before. It's big, bright and white. And to be completely honest, it's quite nice, "we come in different sizes." he responds drinking from his glass of milk. There I am, trying my best not to look at his ratty hair but I do, and I can't help myself but admire it. He finishes his milk leaving a milk mustache forming his lips. I smile amused trying not to smile, "you got a little... around" he cleans up his mouth with his thumb finally licking it softly. I stare at him admiring what I'm seeing even getting a funny sensation in my stomach. Suddenly he gets up from the seat, "I should go back to bed thank you for the milk, stay out of trouble" I stay behind while he walks towards the door heading back to the salon. "Zeke," I say stopping him from leaving, making him turn around to face me. I don't even know why I stopped him in the first place, why I even called out for him, but I need to say something. "Thank you again, for tonight. I mean for saving me", thankful for him being there to protect me I feel myself smile gratefully. He smiles coldly walking out of the kitchen. My cheek is starting to hurt even more now. I head out of the kitchen quietly walking towards my room again closing the door behind me. As I lie on the bed with the bag of peas pressed against my cheek, I think about Zeke. What his life must have looked before this and how he might have got himself into this situation. Imagining him sitting in the kitchen with his milk mustache puts a smile on my face, I think about it and feel butterflies in my stomach. What am I doing? Lying here thinking about him like I am attracted to him now. Don't you dare go there. I lie on the side with the bag of frozen peas on my cheek until I fall asleep.