Warped Perception of Reality

Sans is a Softie For Children

"HURRY UP! I DON'T WANT TO BE LATE FOR THE WARM UP EXCERSIZES!" Alphys yells, frustratedly slamming her clenched fist on the bathroom door.

You were inside of the bathroom, scalding hot water causing the air to be thick with warm steam. Your heat tolerance wasn't as shitty as it was when you were human- what was once painful and injury inducing was now very relaxing. You snicker before yelling back. "Give Me A Second, Alphys!" You had become much less softspoken than when you were smaller, being nearly done with your first year classes. "What Would They Think If They Saw Any Dirt On Me When We Get There?"

"What would they think if they knew you spend three hours bathing at a time?! There can't be any dirt on you, you fucking vaporized it all!"

You bellow in laughter, picking up a brush and scrubbing yourself one more time. "Alright, Alright. I'm Getting Out In A Minute; Serious This Time."

You get out of the tub and drain it before drying yourself to the best of your ability with a towel before opening the door and stepping out. A large cloud of steam escapes into the air.

"You know, I bet that steam was enough to fill half a bathtub with water," Alphys teases goodnaturedly as she steps inside. She had no right to joke about the steam- she liked hot baths just as much as you did!

This was your daily routine. You would shower first, and then Alphys- you always went first because Alphys accidentally sheds scales while bathing- and you would get ready out here while she was in here.

"Oi, where's the toothpaste?" She calls from the bathroom while you're stretching. You hum in thought for a moment, and you don't get a chance to respond before Alphys roars in anger. "YOU BETTER NOT HAVE USED THE TOOTHPASTE TO MAKE YOUR BONY ASS LOOK PEARLY WHITE, SANS!"

"What? I Have To Look My Best On The First Day Of Training This Week." You chuckle, leaning to the side until your spine pops and the tension is released.

"NO, YOU DON'T!" You can practically feel the electrical magic building in that room already. You weren't afraid of Alphys- but she was just as strong as you were, so the respect was still there. Shocks were painful.

"Fine, Fine. I Put An Extra Tube In The Drawer," You sigh. You lace up your boots, and make sure your gun was in your case. You were a sniper; specializing in long ranged attacks. Alphys preferred melee; she was cool like that. "Hey, Lizard. Do you know if we're getting those trainees today?"

You hear the sound of Alphys aggressively brushing her teeth for a few moments. After a moment, you hear her spit into the sink and she responds. "Oh? You Mean Those Pipsqueaks from Batch N?" You grunt in response, loud enough for her to hear. "It's not like you to be so quiet. You nervous?"

"PFFFFT- WHAT?? NO! I'M NEVER NERVOUS!" You retort, face flushing a deep shade of royal purple. "TO EVEN INSINUATE THAT I'M EVEN BARELY-"

Alphys comes out of the bathroom, teeth sparkly and shiny as always. She had some uncanny way of being able to tell whenever you were nervous, and she bellowed with laughter. "There's no reason to be scared of little kids, Sans. They're fresh from the Nursery. Soft and cute looking, like you were."

"Number One: I Was Not Cute."

"You totally were, but go on."

"Number Two: I... don't want to scare them. Plenty of people think I'm intimidating, with this scar..." You trace gingerly at the cut that went diagonally from your cheek and across your nasal ridge. "I don't want to scare the children."

Alphys walks over to you and gingerly pats you on the back. "Listen. That scar is fucking badass and if they mock you about it I'll kick all their tiny asses." Her hands then make their way to your shoulders and she squeezes them tightly. "Besides! Nobody you know well is scared of you, ya goof. It'll be good if they respect you."

"...Yeah. Thanks, Alphys." You murmur. You feel just a bit better- but you really liked kids and you would hate to scare them. "I Just Want Them To Like Me."

"If you don't tell any shitty jokes, they'll love you, guaranteed."

"I'll Make Sure To Tell Even More Shitty Jokes Than Usual, Then." You smile. Alphys opens the door for you and grins.

"Ladies first." She snickers, and you smile sweetly.

"Alphys."

"...shit."

"ALPHYYYYYYYS! I AM GOING TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH!"

"Not if you can't catch me first, Tiny!"

-

"Hello. You're Papyrus, Correct?" You ask, crouching down a bit so you can meet eye to eye with the smaller. You weren't actually very tall. Sure, you were slender, but not very  tall either. Relatively fragile, compared to Alphys, or the younger Undyne who applied to work in the lab.

"Y-Yes sir!" Papyrus says. He's small, and very adorable, and you can see the enthusiasm in his eye sockets. He was a skeleton, just like you. Dr. Gaster had been talking, and he had mentioned donating another magic sample about a year ago... was this how cute you looked? "So, what are we gonna do? Puzzles? Uh... crosswords?"

ow. what the fuck. how is it legal for someone to be so cute?! is it even legal????

"No, Papyrus. I'm Going To Spar With You, Alright?" You say gently. He stares at you for a moment, blinking. You elaborate further. "I'll Fight You. We're Going To See How Strong You Are, So I Know Where To Start Off. Don't Hold Back, Okay?"

"It... won't hurt, right, sir?"

"Maybe just a bit. But I won't hurt you for real, and if I do I'll heal you immediately," You murmur softly with a gentle smile. "Don't hold back. You won't hurt me. I'm stronger than you look. In fact, I'm very hard to... verte-break."

"Nyeh-heh-heh!" Papyrus giggles. "I don't get it!"

"I Like You Already, Paps."

"Paps...? But... my name is Papyrus."

What an innocent soul.

—
You leap gracefully over a hurriedly summoned wall of bones, firing your own bullets back. They weren't filled with killing intent- you just wanted to see what this kid was made of, so it wouldn't be able to kill him. Papyrus was doing well- it had been five minutes and Papyrus wasn't as tired as the other trainees were. A small crowd gathered around you two to watch.

"You're Doing Great! Just Keep On Your Toes; Never Get Too Comfortable!" You say. You're happy to see much potential in your brother after all.

...brother?

Yeah. It just... felt right.

"Never get too...? nyaaAH!" Papyrus screeched as bones sprouted from the ground under him. He'd jumped just in time to avoid being impaled, but stumbled and fell to the ground. "Hff...! That... wasn't fair." He didn't get up, too fatigued. It looked like he hurt his ankle when he fell.

"Mweh-heh. All's fair in love and war, Papyrus." You say, dispelling the attacks with a wave of your hand. "You know, I think you lasted against me the longest out of any of the trainees I know. I'm proud of you."

You gingerly lift him from the ground. He clings to you as you readjust him. "Hm... I know this is a weird question, but... are you my brother?"

Are you?

Well, if you were both born from one of Dr. Gaster's magic samples, and Sans and Papyrus were normally brothers anyway...

"Yes. My Name is Comic Sans, But You Can Call Me Sans."

—
YOOOOOOOOOOOOO. YOU FINALLY HAVE A BROTHER! You'll never have the couch to yourself ever again.

In this AU, Skeletons naturally always have a twin. Gaster thought it would be suitable to give his own creations a brother. Gaster's twin, Merlin, is ill and stays in the hospital in The School.

Don't worry I'll get to the part with the malfunctioning machine soon...! I just want more world building and character development.