Be Mine | Troyler AU

Chapter 2

"I love you too mum" I say as I hang up my phone and turn around, walking towards the refrigerator. I love her so much.. my mum. But, if I were to travel back in time to when I was a teenager, and tell my past self that I loved our mum, I would've most likely punched myself... if that makes sense. She used to be very cruel and abusive when I came out to her as gay.

Well, that's around the time that my father and my mother divorced... all because of me being gay and how my dad accepted it, but my mum didn't. They were in love though, but broke up... all because I liked boys instead of girls. It's childish if you ask me, the whole divorce thing. But, it doesn't make me feel better when they wouldn't of even looked at each other or spoke to each other every time they were around the other one. I still blame myself for this whole thing.. still to this day. Why couldn't I just like girls instead? Why did I have to like the same sex as me?

I've asked myself all of those questions multiple times in the past and still do in the present. But, I still can't find an answer for them. So, that's why I'm here now. On my own, in this one bedroom apartment. I moved out a couple months ago, out of the house that brings back memories as to why I have scars on me today. I needed this. I needed to get out of that house and be on my own for once. I had to not drown myself in sorrow or party every weekend.

Getting high was always an automatic distraction for me.

Anytime something wrong happened, I would just wanna forget about it. I would just wanna be numb and feel absolutely nothing. So that's what I did. It became an addiction. I couldn't stop. I tried to, I really did. But, I got used to the numb feeling and ached when I didn't get it. I had a lot of sex. A lot. I was always drunk when I brought a one night stand to a random hotel around the block, though. I don't think I could ever do that kind of thing, sober. But I still felt hurt. I didn't feel loved. I didn't feel accepted. I felt lost and empty.

And after about two months full of partying, getting high, getting drunk, and sleeping around.. I met my ex-boyfriend, Jack.

Jack was always there for me. Always. Anytime I had a problem, he would would hold me and kiss me and tell me everything would be okay. He helped me quit my bad habits and even helped me feel loved and accepted, like I always wanted to feel. We went on dates and cuddled and had some pretty hot sex as well. But most importantly, he was the one I loved. And he loved me too. But, after about eight months, he got tired of me...just like everyone else does.

He broke up with me and I didn't know what to do with myself. I remember running and running until I found our house. I packed up my stuff as fast as I could and drove myself to a nearby hotel. I honestly expected myself to go back to my old ways, because I didn't feel loved anymore. I felt betrayed. And used. So I wanted it all to just go away. I wanted to drink again. I really wanted to, but I couldn't. I knew that if I started doing all of that again, then I wouldn't stop. So, I stayed in the hotel for a couple days.. crying my eyes out over some asshole that took my heart out of my chest, fixed it, only to break it again. I bought this apartment with all the money I already had in the bank and got a job as a cashier at one of the local stores in this wonderful city, San Fransisco.

And that's where I'm at today. In this small apartment.. all on my own, and calling my mum every couple weeks to make sure she hasn't killed herself yet.

I don't believe in love anymore. True love only happens to specific people who are good enough to be loved. And I'm not a good person. I'm trying my hardest to focus on life and stop being rude to myself and others. I can't trust people anymore. The only person I have ever trusted was Jack, and look where that got me. So, for now, I'm on my own. I'm in this apartment.. drinking every now and then, and eating pizza nearly every night because I can't cook for shit.

What am I gonna do with my life? Am I ever going to fall in love or trust anyone ever again?

A.N.

this chapter was kinda longer, but it's still pretty short. how was that? was it okay? I'm still trying to plot the story and get some more characters in there, as well. Next chapter will be tylers pov, are yall ready? ily x