Damaged love

Moving forward

The music ended. I was breathing hard as I held the end pose. The crowd screamed stomped their feet. Roses and stuffed animals rained down all around me. An avalanche of love. They didn’t know me. Didn’t know what I loved. Months had past since Halloween. There was only one person I cared to impress any longer.
He waited for me as I skated toward the exit from the ice. Strong broad shoulder. Huge thick arms that held me every night
I smiled up at my boyfriend. How strange it was to think that? That I would feel something like this for another human being.  His finger brushed my cheek. They came away wet.
“You are amazing Yuri.” He whispered to me. In his other hand were my skate covers. He knelt before me to put them over the blades. When he stood his eyes went to my lips. His teeth gnawed at his own. I hated that. He held back in public because he didn’t think I wanted anyone to know I had found someone to love.
Arching up I curled my arms around his neck. Pulling him to me, I pressed our lips together. Sometimes I just had to do everything for this guy. “Where would you be without me?” I asked pulling back. His smile was small, a bit sad even.
“Probably dead.” He said. I blinked shocked by this. He had never spoken like that before. Realization dawned in his dark eyes. “Forget I said that.” His lips brushed mine once more. “Go to the kiss and cry so we can see your scores.” He pushed me after Yakov. Something was bothering him. Concern gnawed at my gut.
Right now wasn’t the time to confront him.  I walked off to the kiss and cry. Sitting on the bench I sipped from the water bottle Yuuri had handed me as I past him. His congratulations just words that flowed over me. The scores came up. I had beaten my personal best. Currently I was in first place after skating both programs.
I knew better than to celebrate now. Yuuri and Victor both needed to skate their free programs. Yakov dropped an arm around my shoulder. Squeezing the opposite one he told me I did a good job. “Although that last quad toe loop was a little shaky.” That was so like him. Compliment you then tell you where you screwed up.
In the locker room I changed to my warm up clothes. Otabek would be skating soon. I didn’t want to miss that. Hurrying out I ducked around the reporters waiting to ambush me. I reached the rink just as his music began. Leaning on the boards I watched as he glided over the ice.
He wasn’t fast or showy. He had a stable move to him. Precise even, reliable. I smiled. One hand came out, fingers pointed at me. I blew him a kiss. He smirked. Gliding past me he went into the first of his jumps. Although he hadn’t skated in a few years, he still made it to the Grand Prix finals. I was more than proud of him.
When his routine ended. I remained where I was. My eyes went up to the large screens surrounding the rink. Yakov and Otabek appeared in the kiss and cry. The scores came up. He had missed the podium by two tenths of a point. King JJ was going to go down if it was the last thing I did! Grinding my teeth together I turned to walk out.
In my anger I had forgotten about the reporters. “Yuri Plisetsky, what was that between you and Otabek Atlin after your skate?” a microphone was shoved in my face.
“What the he did it look like?” I yelled at him. Another reporter spoke up.
“It looked like you kissed him.” She answered me.
“Yeah, and?” I asked.
“Are you saying you're gay?” she demanded trying to get me to answer something.
“Are you and the hero from Katshudan dating?” another reporter. I glared at them all.
“I just beat my personal best. I came within a tenth of a point from crushing Victor Nikiforov!” I yelled at them. “And all you can think to ask is who I’m fucking!” There was a stunned silence from everyone surrounding me.
“Yes, I’m gay. Yes I’m sleeping with Otabek Atlin.” I screamed at them before turning and forcing my way out of the lobby. I made it to the locker room. Otabek stood there. His eyes met mine a second before he doubled over laughing. I cheed, shoving past him. His long arms caught my waist.
Spinning he slammed my back into a row of lockers. He held me a few inches off of the ground. I curved my legs around his waist. His lips sucked at my neck. I tightened my arms around him.
“I love how you just yell out whatever is in that adorable head of yours? What does it matter who you’re fucking?” He purred the word into my ear, sending delightful shivers down my spine. “What a lie since we actually haven’t fucked yet.” He pulled back so I could see his eyes darkened with lust.
“We have technically slept together though." I stated.
“Technically.” He whispered as his hot pink lips found my own
We clung together as the sensation of his tongue in my mouth sent spasms of pleasure through me. I wanted so much more. Tearing my mouth from his I head-butted his head back. Once the soft tender underside of his neck was exposed, I drove my mouth into it. Biting not to gently. I heard him moan out a gasp. Kissing and sucking his flesh, how I wanted more!
“I want more. The finals will be over tonight. I have my own hotel room.” He shoved my head away from him. Dark eyes locked on to mine.
“Yuri, are you sure?” he whispered. Before I could say anything he put me on my feet. Backing away from me as if I was some kind of monster.
“No, not you, I’m the monster, Yuri.” He whispered falling to his knees on the cold floor. He hung his head. “We didn’t meet by chance.” As his face looked up to me I saw how tortured his thoughts were making him.
“Otabek?” I whispered his name reaching a hand out to him. I couldn’t make my body go near him. Tears welled up in his eyes.
“I kill people, for money.” He whispered. His eyes growing darker. The sadness on his face was breaking my heart. “Do you understand that Yuri. I’m a murderer.” No that can’t be true. I shook my head trying to clear this from my mind.
“I make sure they are bad people and that the world will be better without them, but that doesn’t condone what it is I do!” he wailed as I pushed back into the steel of the locker. He stood shakily. “It gets worse, much, much worse…” his voice chocked up. How? How can he say this to me.
“Lila, your old ballet instructor. She hired me…” tears were flowing down his cheeks. He couldn’t even look at me. “She hired me to k, k, kill you!” he blurted. I shook my head harder. No that’s a lie! My mind screamed.
“I’m suppose to kill you before your 16th birthday.” He was still talking. “I don’t know why but she was admitted that you do not turn 16.” He began to talk faster. It was hard to catch everything. My own mind was fighting to deny this.
“I took the job, not to kill you, but to protect you. I knew if I didn’t take it she would find someone else. I had to see why she wanted someone so beautiful gone from this world.” He was pleading begging me to understand, but how could I?
“When you asked me to live with you I was thrilled. You were so cute, innocent even.” His hands fell to his side. “I only wanted to get to know you, then…” he stopped talking. Wiping his face off on his sleeve he went on.
“Instead, I fell in love with you.” A soft smile touched his lips. “All along I knew I was running out of time to tell you any of this!” He half turned from me. “God, Yuri I promise I will never hurt you. I love you, do you hear me?” he pleaded moving a few steps closer. Something in my face must have stopped him.
“She will send others. So even if you want nothing to do with me after this, I won’t be far.” He turned away. “This is a lot to process. I will protect you. No one will come near you. If you remember nothing else from tonight, remember I love you, Yuri Plisetsky. I won’t ever stop.” He was backing away, leaving me. “If you ever need me, just put a light in the window. Or scream my name. I will be close enough to hear you.”
He turned his back on me. I watched as he went to his locker. I stood frozen as he put his skates in his bag. He put the leather jacket on. All I could do was gape at him. He never looked back at me. Never once did those deep dark eyes seek me out. No matter how my mind screamed at him to just look at me. I could only stand there and watch as he got ready to walk out of my life. I would never see him again. He would see me. See how lonely I was but wouldn’t come back for me.
Otabek was going to leave me like everyone else I loved. Dad left before I was even born. He didn’t even want to see me. Mom left when I was three. She couldn’t stand the sight of me. Whenever she came to visit she was always sick and couldn’t look at me. Gramps dumped me with Lila and Yakov. Now Lila wants me dead. Why?
As this was screaming through my mind, the locker door shut. I still couldn’t get my body to move. Otabek turned away. I didn’t see his face as he walked toward the locker room door. I breathed out his name. It was softer than a whisper. He didn’t stop, didn’t turn around. Head hung down he pushed open the door. His wide strong back stepped through it. I gasped as the pain in my chest choked me.
The door closed. His leather clad back was gone. I fell to my knees as if his very presence had been holding me up all this time. The world blurred. Otabek I breathed out. Forcing the name from my collapsing chest. No I couldn’t do this. Not without him!
My body was moving before my mind caught up to what it was my heart wanted. The decision was made. I was just reacting to it. I had no control, I needed him. I ran. Ran out of the locker room, ran past the horde of reporters that tried to smother me. I ran, through the lobby. Realizing briefly that I had missed both Yuuri and Victor’s performances. I ran out of the arena.
The parking lot loomed before me. Many people were walking this way and that. I didn’t see the one I wanted. Oh no! He drove his motorcycle. It would have been parked closer to the building. What if I had missed him? Nope I wasn’t going to think like that.
Turning I ran along the building. The cold winter air clogging my lungs. I couldn’t breathe any way. Not until I held him again. I raced onward. There. I saw the taillights light up as he braked.
“OTABEK!” I screamed as loud as I could. The cold cutting me off making me cough. He had glanced up. I ran toward him as he looked around.
“OTABEK!” I screamed again. The cold making me cough. I felt my foot hit loose gravel in the parking lot. I was falling to the ground. I couldn’t not now, I had to reach him. The tears were hurting as they froze to my cheeks.
“Otabek.” I cried. Then he was there. Warm strong arms wrapping around me, pulling me into his arms.
“What are you doing, Yuri?” he sounded stern as something warm covered me. “You're going to freeze! You don’t even have a jacket on!” I laughed at this.
“You do know I’m Russian, right?” I reached up to cup his cheek in my hand. Those eyes found mine. “I love you, too. Otabek. Please don’t leave me.” I begged him. His lips found mine kissing me with more passion than he ever had before.
“Never. I will never leave you again.” He said raining kisses all over my face. Picking me up he carried me back to his bike. I held onto the leather jacket he had wrapped around me. We went back so I could stand on the podium. Victor had won gold, Yuuri silver,  I was fine with bronze since it was less than a tenth of a point. I would be stronger next year.
Once the ceremonies were done, I collected my things. Otabek took me out the back way. We drove to my hotel. He checked me out after I got the rest of my stuff, then we simply drove off into the night.