A Way Out

Chapter 33

"Okay."

Donovan waited anxiously for me to speak. I had to admit that I didn't think this all the way through. Truthfully, I thought Donovan would send me away for interrupting him in a business meeting, but he did the exact opposite. It showed me a little of what he wanted. He wanted us to talk it out. Talking would happen, but I couldn't resolve things with this man. At least not in the way he wanted to.

I looked into Donovan's eyes. The powerful man that missed within them the last time I saw him was back, but the uncertainty remained clear. I didn't want Donovan to feel hopeless, but I wanted him to know what he'd done.

"You hurt me," I said as I tried to keep my feelings in check. "I fell for you, in a way that should never have happened. The only thing you had to do was, to be honest with me. Instead, you chose to be selfish, chose to be a coward. Where in your head does this make sense?" I asked, genuinely wanting to know. How could he think that hiding it from me would be a good thing to do? Eventually, I would find it out, but the question was when? When he married his fiancee?

What frustrated me, even more, was that I knew, in the long run, I could not keep my feelings in check. Eventually, I would cave and surrender to my desires if I hadn't found out the truth. I don't know if Donovan would still be selfish then. I hoped not. Some part of me still longed for that decent guy I knew he was.

Donovan walked to the window only to stare out of it for a few moments. I remained on his desk, my hands gripping the edge, holding me in place. Although I despised his actions, I still liked the man he was, causing an immense conflict to erupt in my body. I wanted to reach out, but I needed to stay back to protect my heart.

"You're right," Donovan spoke as he still gazed out of the window. "I am a coward." I straightened my back at his words, ready for whatever he was about to say.

Donovan turned around to meet my eyes, showing the sincerity within his. "I should've stopped everything between me and her long ago. I should've stopped it before I even met you," he explained, and his words confused me. His words indicated that there had been trouble in the air between them and I found myself curious to know what that trouble was.

"Her name is Courtney and she has been in France for some time. Well over six months, if I recall correctly," Donovan began as he sat down in an armchair in front of me. "We went to France for a five-week holiday. There was already a certain spark lacking. I can't put my finger on what it exactly was. We've been together for six years and just got comfortable around each other. Maybe a little too comfortable. We drifted apart, and I didn't know how to grasp and fix the relationship. I tried, gem. Courtney fell for one of the waiters at the resort. She stayed behind to see if the waiter was worth it, but also to see if our engagement was worth fighting for."

I listened intently as Donovan spoke. He looked into a void as he told me the story, reminiscing about his time with Courtney in France. Although I didn't want to admit it, my heart ached for this man. Love abandoned him just like it abandoned me, but on totally different levels.

"When I came back, I was too embarrassed to tell anyone. I even came up with the excuse that Courtney stayed behind for business. It made for some very lonely months. Until I met you." Donovan's eyes shifted to mine. They destroyed my confidence and anger in one blast, leaving the caring Everly behind.

"You were the girl I admired from afar. Did I catch feelings by seeing your secret smiles and hearing your delightful giggles when you wrote? Probably, but me being an engaged man prevented me from seeking your company. Until the day you spoke to me. Until the day that shitass boyfriend treated you like garbage."

Donovan loosened his tie and threw it on the table in frustration. "I was stupid enough to want to mend something that was already beyond fixing as I waited for Courtney. In the meantime, I fell hard and fast for someone I couldn't have."