Love is a Fight

Chapter 26

Ryder's P.O.V.

Bored.

I'm bored.

So bored.

Ugh. I was excited to not have to go to that shithole of a school but just sitting in my bedroom for a day staring at my ceiling makes me want to shove my head through a wall. I didn't realize how entertained I was between Veronica's cute nerd jokes, Nick's annoying flirting, Kylie's empty threats that make me want to kick her ass, and... Grayson.

I don't even know where to start or end with Grayson. We both know too much about each other's lives. I know neither of us meant to let the other person in and be vulnerable but it just happened. That's probably one of the reasons we hate each other so much. I've seen his dying mother and asshole cheating father. He found out about my dad's constant abuse.

Speaking of, I haven't seen him in weeks. He was pretty nice the first few days after deciding to change. He said he was getting help by going to rehab and support groups and shit. After about a week, he just disappeared. I know I should check into it but it's nice not having him here. And besides, he does this all the time. Disappears for a while and returns when he runs out of money for his booze run.

Which means right now he's either getting blacked out drunk all hours of the day, or actually going to rehab and staying away from temptations in the house. Could go either way I guess.

I've been fending for myself so far. He has left a good amount of food here. But it's running low and I'm going to have to go shopping soon. I don't have a shit ton of money considering I'm only a senior in high school.

I threw my head back onto my pillow letting out a sigh. I closed my eyes thinking about what the fuck I'm going to do. I want to get out of this town. I want to live a life free of fear. Yes, free of fear. I, Ryder Russo, am scared. I am scared of my dad. I'm scared of being alone with no parents once my dad drinks himself to sleep. I'm scared that I'm going to have to fight my way through the rest of my life. I'm scared that no one will love me. I'm scared because no one loves me.

I'm so alone and I have no one to blame but myself. I couldn't help my mom want to live. I couldn't help my dad from falling into an abusive depression. I couldn't help Grayson in any aspect of his life. I cant even help my fucking self. I'm the reason I'm alone, and sad, and scared, and unlovable.

I got up sitting on the edge of my bed gripping my hair tightly in my hands. I wish I could escape my stupid mind. I need to escape.

I quickly grabbed a jacket, walking out the door. I need to go for a walk. If I stay cooped up in my house, it gives me time to think. Thinking fucks with my brain.

I walked for what felt like ages before I arrived at Tony's gym. It's a good 10 minute drive from my house so I'm surprised I walked here so easily without noticing.

I walked through the doors instantly darting my eyes around to look for Tony. He was talking to a few people on the couches as it looked like they just finished a session. I made my way over, my hands buried deep in my pockets.

"Tony," I smiled lightly, "What's up?"

"Where the fuck have you been?" he asked looking like he saw a ghost, "I was starting to think Temper retired"

"Never" I winked laughing lightly. It felt good to be in the gym again.

"By the looks of your nose I see you certainly haven't abstained from fighting" Tony raised his eyebrows at me. Oh shit I kind of forgot about that. The only injuries I got from Kylie were claw marks from her daggers of nails. It's her stupid jock friend that got a cheap shot on me.