Vani One Shots

Teri ore

Hello Vani Hearts ❤
My name is Poorva Chakraborty and I am really excited to share this Vani OS with you all. I had a great time writing it. I hope you like reading it too. This is a Diwali Celebration in Singhania House.

'Dil kho gaya, ho gaya kisi ka...' 

Veer, 

There is so much I want to tell you but I don’t know how to and from where to begin.

Now, I know you are not the person I thought you were. I let my negativity  get the best  of me. I misunderstood you. I am ashamed of every wrong thing that I have said to you, that I have done to you. Those times fill me with guilt and regret. I should have known better. I have felt hurt and pain as a consequence of my bad decisions. I was hurting myself and it is now that I realize that I was hurting you as well. 

I see the way you look at me and I am on the verge of confessing the darkness I inhabit. My demons whisper in my ear that I am not good enough for you and I try not to believe them. They are always hovering, waiting for any glimpse of happiness, lurking in the shadows of my subconscious. I am haunted by my  past, it pulls me down and that is when the panic sets in. I don’t want to live in such a way. Can you help me? 

I am the reason my life is such a mess. I won’t blame anyone else. I don’t know how to fix it. Sometimes I feel I don’t want to burden you with my problems but then I realize how much I need you. You are the only person I can call my own, my emotional anchor. Please don’t give up on me. 

I feel your eyes on me, trying to figure me out. It’s almost like you can read my mind. Whenever you try and express your feelings for me, I believe it a little more. Will it be right if I ask you to hold my hand and stay with me for every moment of my life.  At first, I was not so sure, but when difficult times came, I understood our connection.

I want to lean my head against your chest, and keep listening to my name beating in your heart.  Let me draw a line with your fingers, in the night sky. Half yours, half mine.  I want to write my name just like it should be written. Bani Veeranshu Singhania. I want to be with you for life. Stay with me, please. 

You are the only one that sees me but you don’t know the depths of my truth. I desperately want to reveal all my secrets to you. May I? When I gaze into the warmth of your brown eyes, my heart aches. I want to shed this wall that I built in between us. I trust you. I know that you will not run away after seeing the ugliness. There lives a broken child within me. 

The ugliness that is beneath this bland facade. I hide it as best I can but the scars are too deep, too close to the bone and I am too weak to endure the pain alone. The cuts slash across my body and seep through my pores, coloring my world in greys and blues and flashes of red. I had screamed but no one heard me so I swallowed the dryness in my throat and chose not to speak about it. Can I speak to you about it? 

You have held  me close and I wept  in your arms as my wounds gape opened, exposing the decay of so many years of pain and loneliness. I reach for you because I know it’s better if you stand beside me. The girl you know right now is damaged but I want to be happy. I want to be more than just a hollow shell of who I once was. I want to be with you Veer.

I bask in the light that shines around you. You know when you look the other way, like a beacon of warmth and love, I reach out to touch you but pull my hand back. I hesitate. I am trying to understand these newly emerging emotions.