Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday

Chapter 3

You found a routine. After a week you find a rhytm to make work this strange situation: the kids get up (Zola and Henry race down the stair even after you tell them it's dangerous and they can fall), you eat breakfast and then you go to work (not everyday because Meredith is getting better but she is still tired and you don't want to leave her whit three children for too long) while the kids play or swim or invent something else to keep them occupied; in the afternoon you put them to bed and Meredith sits beside you on the couch (sometime you speak of some cases or the kids or her pregnancy, but never of Derek, never of the past you share. More often then not, though, you are silent and deep in your thoughts and this last situation end whit a sleeping Meredith's head on your shoulder) ;then you make dinner because some things never change and Meredith is still incapable to cook, and after that the kids make you play whit them until it's time for bed (you and Meredith still sleep in the same one because you discover it's the only way to not spend the night awake).

Some nights, while Meredith is upstairs you call Alex. Sometimes he doesn't answer and sometimes he does and you speak of Meredith and Amelia and Grey-Sloan (is still strange to refer at the hospital whit its new name, whit the name of Mark and his true love) and if one of you had a terrible morning you speak about it. He talks about the kids he couldn't save and you reassure him, tell him is part of the job and they can't all be saved. You speak of your patients, of the jealousy you feel, sometimes when you see the joy on those couples'faces, because you have a son, your beautiful little boy and you love him more than anything else in the world, but you feel lonely and you want that, a partner, a pregnancy (Ella, the girl that has never been, the one you killed because you couldn't let her live in a world like that, in a family like that, whit a father betraying constantly the mother and a mother pining for a man that run away).

It's a strange relationship the one you share whit Alex, you don't love him and he loves Jo(even if now the situation is complicated whit Derek dead and Meredith away and Amelia fighting to not give into the pressure, to not prove to everyone in that hospital they're right and she is not to be trusted, the other Shepherd, the addicted who will never recover) .(You're boiling whit rage because who do they think they are?! To believe they know Amelia and her battle and her courage and her history?! To think they have a right to judge her and question her ability when she surpasses every expectation?!). Anyway, you and Alex aren't in love but you're not sure you are friends, either, because he knows things about you that are secluded even to Naomi. But it's good this... Whatever it is...And you like it, and it's another thing you will loose when Meredith will go away.

This night Alex is the one to call and is earlier than usual because the kids are still playing. You catch Meredith eyes and she nods, signaling she has it under control and you can go and speak whit him (she won't. She knows about the conversations but refuses to speak whit anyone from Seattle, maybe in fear they will pressure her to go back).

-Hey, sorry if I call now, but I have a surgery in twenty minutes and I don't know when I'll finish-

-It's okay. Meredith is whit the children-

-How is she? -, he knows she is pregnant because he is her person and because you needed to tell this to someone, but he's good whit secrets so no one will hear a thing.

-Good. She's good. She eats more and she sleeps better, if we're lucky for a night whitout interruptions-

-The children? -

-Bailey is fine, sometimes he asks for Derek but he is still too little to really understand what happened. If he's sad, he play whit Henry and everything is perfect again. Zola misses him. Sometimes she cries, hidden from Meredith, and sometimes she has nightmares but nothing impossible to control-