They Belong Together [dreamnotfound]

1

Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together?

Do you think it fought for us to be here right now?

Right now, when I'm sitting on the couch in his house and my eyes are slowly drifting to him; slowly but undeniably, everytime he looks away.

Right now, when a fantasy movie is playing on the TV and I've never in my life cared less about some movie.

Now, when I leaned my head against the cushions and let my eyes linger on him for a moment longer than usual. For a moment longer than I'd allow myself if he were looking back at me.

The moment when I noticed, under the faint, miserable street light coming through the window, how his features were more than prominent.

His eyes — shiny but tired — were reflecting the movie playing in the background.

Faint, vague sounds echoed in the room but to me, it seemed as if they were miles away.

His hair, falling loosely over his forehead, lost it's usual golden shine and was now, surrounded by darkness in the room, much darker – fairly similar to my own.

The clock on the wall showed almost eleven as another yawn escaped my lips.

Time perception tricked me — again — and I was soon lost staring at him for who knows how long.

After some time, or long time, he turned his head towards me. Lost in thought, I wouldn't have even noticed if it weren't for his eyes and intense gaze.

As much as I wanted to disappear and turn my head towards the TV again, pretending nothing happened, something held me staring at him.

There was something, something in his eyes that kept me staring openly while my heartbeat sped up.

His gaze softened followed by a soft smile on his face, and in that moment there was nothing that I wanted more than to take a picture of that smile.

Take a picture and keep it in my pocket. To look at it when a little sadness creeps in, when something tugs at heartstrings and life needs a little bit more light.

It was one of those genuine smiles, before he turned his head away again, that I wished I could stay in that moment, and look at it for some more time.

To look at it and perhaps smile back, to let him know that I felt, whatever he felt. That I felt whatever made him smile in that moment. And that I'd smile too, if it weren't for a heavy drowsiness and a little shame in the back of my head.

I looked back at the TV, and tried to, at least for a moment, focus on the movie.

A young, redhead girl went on an adventure with one goal to accomplish: to find the hidden Kingdom of Souls.

In the moment, she was talking to her father — I suppose — when one line of the dialogue really caught me off guard.

“Sometimes, my dear, you must risk everything in order to get somewhere in life.”

“But dad,” The girl asked, “What if I lose everything?”

“Life rewards bravery.”

Life rewards bravery. The line played in my head again and again like a broken record. Bravery. Something I didn't have.

Something I wanted oh so much, but I couldn't have it. Never have I ever needed it as much as I did when he smiled at me, moments ago, but it certainly wasn't there.

Or if it was, even just a little bit, it was stuck in the back of my throat, silencing the words needed to be heard.

Perhaps, I could sometimes thank the lack of bravery.

It could be the only thing my mind tries to do to keep the things the way they are now: Good. Things are good. Yeah.

But, my heart. Good isn't enough for any heart. The heart is hungry. It wants perfect, not just good. Good was never good enough. Don't lie to yourself.

But what do we do when perfect can't be there? What do we do if perfect will never be there?

We keep quiet.

We keep quiet and hope.

We keep quiet because, we know, if we say anything, it'll be the end. If our voice is heard, and our secret fills the air, things will break and they won't be good anymore. There won't be anything anymore. Only the plain truth and the pain following. It'd be the end of us.

Maybe, it won't. Maybe, everything would be alright and flowers would bloom. Maybe.

I guess we're all too cowardly to ever find out.

If we never find out how will we live?
Will we live in pain and will the tears roll down our face every night? Or will we pretend we're satisfied with how things are? Will we pretend that we're satisifed enough with good, because, that's what the mind says:

Good is good. Keep it good. Don't lose good.

But, good was never good enough.

Was it?

Not now, not ever, will good be good enough. My guess is that we'll cry a lot, and drown in that feeling, unknown feeling of longing for something that never existed. Nostalgia if you will, nostalgia for a time that never happened.

And in the morning, we'll put our best smile on our face and talk to them again. Talk to our friends. Because that's good.

And good is good.

Just not good enough.

By the time the credits were rolling on the screen, Patches walked into the room, small paws making a cute noise on the floor.

“Hi-” I whispered and suddenly she jumped on my lap, her tail and ears turned upwards.

A small soft paw touched my arm and I looked down at the cat.

Her tail was still upwards and moving slowly when she turned her head to the right.

I followed her gaze and saw him.

He was sleeping — I thought — or at least that's what it looked like. His head was placed on the pillow and his eyes were closed. His hair fell on his face and both of his hands were tucked under his arms.

I felt my cheeks slightly turn red as I looked back at Patches.

“What?” I whispered slowly, a giant stupid smile on my face.

Her eyes widened and she tilted her head not breaking eye contact with me.

“What?” I laughed quietly and turned my attention back to Dream.

I stared. I did. I had time now.

His knees were bent, one leaning on the other one. Navy blue sleeves were covering his arms with a white design stretching across his chest.

A small, fond smile rose on my face and butterflies danced in my stomach, even though I'd deny it till the end of the time.

I turned my head back to, now black screen, of the TV and felt my own eyelids get heavier with every moment.

Patches nuzzled her head against my arm and my fingers got lost in the soft fur, petting the silky spot behind her ears.

Second by second, moment by moment, my eyes closed and my mind wandered to the place where my thoughts could run free. The place where nothing was real, and yet everything was so real.

The place where the reality is a bit altered, love is a bit stronger, and all things are a bit lovelier:

Dreams.

___________________________________________

Hello!

Gentle reminder to drink water, eat a snack or take your medicine if you need to

I wish you a nice day/night!

– Indie