Bound by my blood

Chapter forty-four

Mascara streaks my cheeks, a dark reminder of my inner turmoil as I fight to keep the grief at bay. My tears flow steadily, gliding silently down my immobile face, leaving a trail of sorrow. Inside, I feel bruised, a hollow ache within me where joy once resided. We stood solemnly at the front of the funeral, surrounded by an air thick with sorrow. Everyone's heads were bowed—perhaps they were showing respect or maybe they were too afraid to face the impending reality.

Jax's body lay still within the polished coffin, an eerie display. They had applied makeup to him, creating a visage that felt foreign, unsettling. This wasn't Jaxon; this wasn't my best friend. My best friend was vibrant, loud, and overflowing with compassion—not serene and unmoving like this.

No, this wasn't him. I refused to accept it.

Beside me stood Angelo, his body trembling as he sobbed, a raw display of heartbreak. Although his time with Jax had been brief, I sensed a deeper connection, something unspoken between them that hinted at uncharted feelings. Maybe, just maybe, Jax had felt the same way. But it was too late to question that now.

In an attempt to offer comfort, I reach out and grasp Angelo's hand in mine just as the preacher begins to read a passage, his voice a melancholic echo in the stillness. Moments later, I blink and suddenly the funeral is over. Members of my mafia approach me, their expressions solemn, offering murmured condolences that feel hollow. No words, no gestures can bring him back. I manage to mumble "thank you" and "I'm sorry" as I retreat from their concerned gazes, my heart racing as I head towards the burial site.

I take my place at the edge of the grave as they lower the coffin into the dark earth, dirt falling like the fragments of my shattered heart. The sky opens, unleashing a torrent of rain that mingles with my tears as I stand there, resolute in my farewell.

Once the crowd dissipates, I confront the void left behind. "Jaxon, when we met, we were just seven years old," I begin, my voice trembling. "I'll never forget that moment after you got a timeout for talking over the teacher. I just knew—you were the one I wanted as my best friend."

Each word feels heavier than the last, my fists clenching in the muddy ground as I struggle to find the strength to continue. 

"Thank goodness you felt the same way, because from then on, we were inseparable. You transformed my life simply by being in it. You had a way of making me laugh until I couldn't breathe, of showing me that despite our chaotic lives, there was still goodness to be found. You helped me believe that I deserved something special. You convinced me there were unlocked doors just waiting for me to step through."

I pause to take a shaky breath, covering my mouth with my muddy hand in a futile attempt to stifle the sobs that rise within me. "You were my soulmate, not in a romantic sense, but my friendship soulmate—the one I was destined to stand beside during both the dark days and the ones filled with joy. You held me close when all I needed was to hear you say you loved me, even when I didn't know I needed it."

My voice cracks further, and I fight against the swell of emotion threatening to drown me. "You understood me better than anyone else ever could, especially when the world couldn't grasp who I really was. You were my everything, and I love you so much... please don't leave me."A soft cough interrupts my thoughts, reminding me that I'm not alone, that there are people nearby willing to help me carry this burden. But I cannot tear my gaze from Jaxon's grave. The world around me fades away as I remain fixated on the gravestone.

Footsteps approach, and a warm, gloved hand settles gently on my shoulder. Someone kneels behind me, and I instinctively collapse into their embrace. I twist around, burying my face in Vincenzo's shirt, letting the floodgates open. He wraps his arms around me, cradling me on his lap, offering solace in the storm of my grief.

His hands move slowly along my back, a comforting balm as he whispers sweet reassurances into my ear, allowing me to grieve without judgment, without the harsh dismissal I might have encountered in earlier days.

"I can't believe he's gone," I whimper, my voice muffled against his warmth. Vincenzo presses a soft kiss to my brow, his touch grounding me in the depths of despair.

"I know, guaio, but he understood the risks he faced," he replies gently, his voice a steadfast anchor as we both descend into silence.

"Is it my fault?" I whisper, doubt shadowing my heart. Vincenzo cups my chin, coaxing my gaze up to meet his.

"No. Never. Jaxon would hate that you're blaming yourself. It was my father's fault, not yours. Never yours."

"It feels like it is," I murmur, staring past him, avoiding his eyes lest the dam break again.

"It's not, please don't think that, darling. When we were all in the safe house, Jax spoke highly of you to me—about us. He gave me his blessing, his approval. He trusted me with you, and if I ever hurt you, he promised he would kill me." His words hang in the air, heavy with meaning. "I wanted him to like me—not just for my sake, but for yours."

I nuzzle against him, feeling a flicker of comfort in the midst of my grief. "I don't know how I'm going to live without him," I confess, staring blankly at the earth that now held my best friend.

"We'll navigate this as we always do. Day by day," he assures me.

"Do you promise?"

"I promise. I love you, guaio. Come on, let's go back to your parents' house. We can grab some food on the way," he suggests, gently lifting me into his arms.

I nod, allowing my eyes to flutter shut as the weight of the last few restless nights pulls me into a quiet surrender, enveloped in the warmth of his embrace.

— — —
Hey,

This was a bittersweet chapter and I cried whilst writing the first part.

I loved Jax but his death was key to the plot as it shows that in this dangerous lifestyle not everybody will make it out. It also shows that Alexa's childhood is now over.

This was the second to last chapter of this book and I hope you enjoyed it.

Stay safe everyone. Remember to vote, comment and follow my Wattpad and Instagram.

Thank you for being patient and reading this chapter and I'm sorry again for the wait.

I love you all.

Bye 👋