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the longer you stand in the hot water, the more you suffer. the damp air, that covers the whole room now, has you on chokehold. your lung's suddenly caving in, clutching. you find it hard to breathe, but you don't do anything against it. you carefully sit down in the shower, letting the water wash all over you.
you let your surroundings torture you and soon feel your body go numb. you close your eyes as this degrading feeling becomes more and more comfortable.
you can't explain it.
there's something about being limp and in pain, that sets off this weird tingly feeling all over you.
"call me crazy, but i haven't felt this peaceful for years.", you think to no one in particular.
it seemed a bit familiar, maybe it was the way you were suddenly gasping for air or placing your hand on top of your chest, as it was going up and down.
and maybe it was because, even this time where you triggered a panick attack by yourself, there was no one to help you through it, again.
"it's okay. i don't need anyone.", you keep telling yourself.
however, you can seem confident all you want. you can put up a scary, imitating face in front of others, but you can't hide a shadow surrounded by light. be true to yourself all you want, but this one lie you repeat over and over, will be the downfall of you, someday.
it didn't matter, anyway. there is no one anymore to care about you, like she did. even if you would scream out how lonely you feel, there is no one who would listen.
that's when you opened your eyes, you suddenly see a little girl in front of you.
she has the same features as you and is holding a yellow bloodied glove, which was obviously way bigger than her hand. her eyes seem to have tears, threatening to spill over any second.
you didn't realize, that your had furrowed your eyebrows and had pursed your lips tightly together,
but the moment the two of you make eye-contact, your whole expression softened.
no matter how cruel and merciless you could be, when beating up some guys. you could never, never, let a child look at you with such a petrifying face/aura.
who knows, maybe it's this little girl who is looking at you with hopeful eyes, that holds you back from treating children like trash.
and maybe, it's the owner of that yellow glove.
you breath in and out, slowly, and recollect your breath. the panic fades away as the little girl does too. your vision returns and you stand up again, after having calmed down.
about 20 minutes have now passed and you feel as light as a feather, your previous thoughts washed away.
''i guess water does purify ones soul.'', you sigh as you turn off the water. you squeeze the last bits of water left in your hair and step out of the shower. the once ice-cold bathroom, is njow covered with fog and wet air.
