My venting poems lmao

Changing

(this one i wrote because I was in a good but not great mood)

Sometimes things get better. A whole lot better. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they get a whole lot fucking worse.

In my case.

I'm happy.

Not because something happened. But change.

Change, the thing I'm most afraid of, has made me the happiest.

I would go into detail but this would then turn boring, so I'll use words that aim towards it but won't give it away so it will remain special.

Names, the pronouns, all of it is and has changed. It's different. They, themselves have not but the things surrounding them have. May not all. But one.

Accepting is a new thing for me, and her. She's learning. Documents, paper, research, and I have it all locked in my little brain if she needs anything.

I'm not happy. But I'm not sad for once. I'm happy, but I'm not. I'm happy, at this time. I'm lonely still, but not as alone. I'm being heard, but not understood, but heard, which still works very well for me.

I may not be sunshine and rainbows, but I'm also not always rain clouds and hail. After every storm should be a rainbow. After every fight should be a loving smile and a hug because you've grown from the banter. Even the angriest thoughts can't change the love.

I don't care if this is the cheesiest shit you've ever seen, this is the happiest I've ever been, so you can suck it up or pack your bags. I'm not ready to stop expressing myself because you don't like it.

No one's going to see this of course, but this is just a little note to myself to remind me that I'm not alone. That I'm valid and loved, even if I don't feel like it all the time. That I can be me and accepted at the same time, not just by social media, but those around me. I'm still going to be sad, but am I going to be joyous? I'll sure as hell try.

It's odd. Happiness. I'm so used to being sad, I sorta don't want to change it, you know? I hate change. It's so scary. Sure, maybe I want attention, but that's because I probably haven't gotten the attention I needed, plus, I still have so much to be sad over.

So, I'll remain sad, but I'll get better, I know it.