3:30 am

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he placed the hood of his jacket on his head before placing his hands on its pocket. "so you're willing to waste the whole night with me?" "you kinda look scared" he knows her. he does. he's not sure what kind of cliche fairytale is this. she feels like a lost memory. she feels like a mirror that when he looks at it he feels his importance. she trusts her, a person he met a few minutes ago, or maybe a thousand years ago. he can't be wrong right now. everything about him is wrong, but not this time, not on this girl. he doesn't like sharing time with others, he likes to keep everything for himself. maybe also the girl he's with right now, maybe he wants to keep her for himself too. "it's easy to admit that you're scared walking alone you know, sol"

that's how they spent the whole night, talking about their lives, taking pictures, small giggles and running away from the sun, running away from the pain, running away from what tomorrow will offer for them. and for one night he felt satisfied, venting out on the girl on his painting feels so right. he doesn't even want to come back to his reality, he doesn't want to. "did you already dreamed of your soulmate?" sol asked while busy licking the ice cream they bought a few minutes ago. it's a really weird question for him because he never did.

it's like a blank canvas for him, his soulmate is a blank canvas. a blank canvas begging for art." I haven't... i don't even believe in those " he dryly replied, he was just being honest. "what?! why not, you know it feels good tho. the thought of having a soulmate... even if they are gone or maybe you can even meet them on your second life" even if they are gone. those words linger on his mind.  "how do you even know if they are your so-called soulmate"  "when the sun rises... and the so-called." she's beautiful, that's all he could tell right now, will she even stay until the sun rises?. he doesn't even want to let her go. he still has a lot of questions, "who is she" "why me" "why her" "why now" but he didn't. hesitation, heaviness on his chest, fear name it all that's what he's been feeling for the past 3 hours. he's being suffocated from thoughts, he should have held her like he held his pride. he was hoping for a tomorrow he was hoping to know how she likes her coffee done or if she even likes coffee.  he doesn't want to feel all this weight again. he doesn't want to neglect his heart on his dreams again. he doesn't want to open his eyes with guilt, anger, and expectations again.

"then how many lives do you have?"

and that is how he woke up, arms are empty, the sun drawing on his skin, memories on his skin. December 23 2015 sol's death anniversary.

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