Mountains

Falling

The next morning you woke up, your heart felt cold. It was hard to understand, just last night happiness had come back. It was gone so quickly, you forgot to cherish it. As if all those memories with Clay over the past few weeks had been corrupted into a dark blob of... Nothing. Pulling away from Clay's sleeping grasp, you wandered downstairs in a daze. Looking around, you started pulling his bags to the door. For some reason, you wanted him out. He had done enough for very little progress, so there was no use in him being here and you were just preventing him from succeeding in the future. There was no longer any use. When he left, you could finally die, lifting the world of its burden. Killing yourself was a good idea, a great one actually. When Clay finally wandered down the stairs, his eyes immediately shot to the mess of bags by the door.

"Very funny joke, y/n," Clay stretched out his tired muscles.

You stared into your swirling cup of coffee, "It's no joke Clay, you are leaving my house,"

His body now seemed fully awake, "I don't think you can get rid of me that easily,"

"I'll call the cops if you don't leave, I'm serious Clay. This isn't your house and never was, I want you out," No matter how much those words hurt you to say, you needed him to leave so he could finally be free.

A sigh passed Clays lips, "What happened?"

"Nothing, I want you out. You have done enough," You finally looked at him in the eyes.

"No matter what threats you make or what you say I won't leave, not yet," Clay walked over to you.

"Why must you be so stupid?" You frown, watching him get closer.

"Because, I love you." Clay stepped nearer.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, loving me?" You laughed into your hand as pins pierced your heart.

"What are you talking about?" Confusion plagued his voice.

"All I am is worthless, I would be better off dead. I know you feel the same," This was the only way.

"Do you think I would give up my passion of fame and streaming since I was young for someone I felt was worthless?" He placed a hand on your cheek.

You slapped it away, "Then I'm a burden!"

"I never said that either. If you can't love me, I can live with that. But, love yourself, because no matter if you are mine or not, I still want you in my life." Clay buried his head in his hands.

You looked up at his hidden face, "I can't and I'm sorry, every day I stand to hate myself more,"

"I'm begging you, please get help. I tried to fix a loose screw with a wrench, a lightbulb with a hammer. I can't do it, but that doesnt mean hope is lost," He smiled curtly before walking towards the door.

"Are you leaving?" You called out quietly.

"I'll be back soon. Sometime," The door opened and shut.

It was mere seconds before the world came crashing down. Every weight Clay lifted came hurling back down onto your shoulders, your body slowly started to break. He said hope wasn't lost, liar.
Still in your numb daze, you stumbled to the bathroom rummaging through the cabinets. You stared at yourself in the mirror before tossing your head back letting pills fill your mouth.

. . .

Your head was throbbing something fierce when you finally regained consciousness. The lights above you were bright, you held up a hand to shield your eyes. Hands slowly searched the blankets covering you for familiarity, there was cool air circulating throughout the entire room.

"Oh good, you are finally awake," A distant voice called.

"Huh-" You barely finished your sentence before a large body collapsed onto you, sobbing.

"Y/n why would you do that?" A sad face you recognized to be Clay looked at you.

You were a little surprised, "I thought you left," Your voice was dry.

"For a walk, oh god this is all my fault," His head buried into your lap.

You still couldn't process very much with your clouded thoughts and vision. The nurse tapped Clay on the shoulder and he rose to his feet, holding your frail hand in his own. His soft thumb ran over your hand, from what you could tell tears were still falling from his eyes.

"While you were out, I enrolled you in a treatment plan." Clay finally said.

Processing that sentence, your mind finally cleared, "What do you mean? I'm going home today Clay."

"Y/n, no you're not. You are a danger to yourself," He looked at you.

"Stop, you aren't leaving me here are you?" Your mind was panicked.

Clay started to slip on his jacket, "I have no other option,"

"Don't say that, I'm sorry it won't happen again!" You were now frantic, your previously weak body was flowing with adrenaline.

"Please, I couldn't help you, it's up to the professionals now," His tone wavered.

"Clay you can't leave me here," Tears welled up in your eyes.

Clay buried his head in his hands, "I couldn't protect you from yourself. I don't deserve to be here,"

"Stop it, it was my fault, you can't leave, not now!" The lump in your throat was only swelling bigger as hot tears streamed down your face.

"I'm sorry." Clay turned his back to you and started out the door, not giving a second glance back before going into the hall.

His stone cold attitude pained you to your core, "CLAY!"

You tried to get up out of the hospital bed but the monitors that were connected prohibited you. It only took a few seconds for you to rip them out of your arms and run into the hall after him.

"STOP! PLEASE! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!" You threw your arms around his strong waist, trying to stop him from getting closer to the exit. Your weak body wasn't going to give him up so easily.

It wasn't long before nurses had surrounded you, pulling you off of him. Your knees hit the cold tile floor as he slipped from your grip. He didn't turn around once, he didn't look back. It felt as if your heart had been stabbed. You broke down on the floor, uncontrollably sobbing as you watched his silhouette walk into the light outside.

Just as he had come in, he left.