How much do you really know?

twenty six

    A blue sky is above my head. No clouds, sun shining down on my bare shoulders. I'm wearing a blue sundress, grass beneath my feet. In front of me is the park and my best friend, smiling, just eight years old, in a matching blue sundress. I smile and laugh with her, hoping that people will mistake us for sisters. She runs and I chase her. We run down the street and onto the sidewalk. A dark blue car pulls to the sidewalk in front of her, but I am only focused on tagging my best friend. We don't stop when a person steps out of the car. We don't notice when he raises a gun and aims it at my best friend. I only stop when she stops, she only stops when the bullet makes impact with her skull. My eyes are wide. I don't know what to do. She falls to the ground and I look at the man. Am I next? The man's face has changed. I see Andrew now, a smirk on his face, staring at me, unmoving. He glances back to the ground and I turn to face my best friend. Except now it's not only her, it's my mom, my dad, Gavin, Connor, Ashton, Daniel, Blake, Kayden. The body changes so fast my head is spinning and I can't breathe.
Everyone with a bullet through their head.

    When my eyes bolted open and I jerked upright, I could still see the faces from my dream. The faces of everyone who had left me. My mother, getting rid of me like it was nothing. Gavin, his innocent mind taken too soon. Connor, gone a hero, all because of me.
    It took me a moment to get the faces out of my head and process what was happening. It was dark and there was a blanket over me. It felt like I was on a couch.
I instinctively balled up the blanket to my chest as I tried to slow my breathing; I still couldn't get the feeling of seeing all those faces to leave me.
    A noise to my left startled me and I gasped.
    "It's just me."
    His voice soothed me a little.
    "Are you okay?" Bryce whispered as he sat beside me on the couch. I scooted over a little to give him room and I put half of my blanket over his legs.
    "I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" I asked, feeling a little embarrassed.
    "No, I couldn't fall asleep anyway. Keep seeing his face. But you never answered my question." He gave me a silly look that made me smile despite everything.
    "I had a nightmare. But I'm fine now. I didn't mean you any trouble."
    "Oh seriously, it's nothing. I'd rather make sure you're okay then have you suffer without someone."
    He made me want to cry. Not like I'd already cried enough. I put my head on his shoulder, liking the feeling of something stable holding me up. Something I could count on. He put his arm around me and rubbed my shoulder with his thumb.
    "Are we still at the old man's house?" I just realized that I didn't know his name.
    "Yes, we're still at Mr. Wester's house. I think it's about four in the morning right now."
    "What about last night? What happened? After.. after.."
    "Well, I guess you and I were pretty torn up for a while. I don't really remember much until I realized the body was gone and Carson was shaking my shoulder. Carson's so strong; he and Mr. Wester took the body out after about half an hour. I guess they are going to plan a funeral, but the body needed to be out of this house. I think I was lost in my thoughts for at least an hour. When I came back, Carson told me that Mr. Wester had gone to bed right after they took the body out; it was a long day for him. Aspen had left even before Mr. Wester went to bed. Apparently people slowly trickled out until it was just you and me. You had fallen asleep, so Carson put you on the couch before he went to find somewhere to sleep. I guess it's a little tight with so many of us. I just sat on that reclining chair. I tried to fall asleep, but every time I closed my eyes..." His words trailed off but I knew what he was thinking.
    "I can't believe he's gone.." I said, so low I didn't think he'd heard it. I was holding back tears. Bryce didn't know that I was the reason his best friend was dead. He was sitting here letting me, a murderer, put my head on my shoulder.
    "I feel like I just lost a brother," Bryce responded in the same tone.
    "You guys were some of the first real friends I've ever had. How did all this even happen? So much stuff leads up to every moment. So many people I've lost. Everyone leaves me."
    I thought I was going insane. Who was I, being so vulnerable. But the words just came out so easy and they didn't stop, like opening a shaken bottle of soda. I had been rattled around my whole life, but never opened up to anybody. Finally, Bryce had opened the bottle.
    But I would never let him know that I was the reason Connor was dead.
    I felt Bryce's lips kiss the top of my head and my stomach did flips.
    "I promise I won't leave you."
    "Pinky promise?"
    "Pinky promise."
    He held out his free hand, pinky sticking out. I wrapped my pinky around his, a little chuckle escaping my mouth.
    "Come on, let's at least try to get a little more sleep. I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be a very big day," he whispered as he laid down and pulled me with him. He wrapped his arms around me and I snuggled my head against his chest.
    It had been rough and we hadn't lived the life that most teenagers lived, but at least it had led to this moment. Everything we had been through in our lives had led to this.

    I had seen too much violence in the last month, had grown a hatred of GORG even stronger than the hatred of my parents. I could see how this new government would be fine for the ideal people, the adults who had stable jobs and stable mental health, but much more went on behind the scenes.
    I wasn't going to allow myself to be oppressed anymore.
    And I vowed that I would take away GORG's ability to oppress anyone else.