Torn Between

Can't Sleep

Later that night

Ali POV

I've been laying in bed for at least two hours now and no matter how hard I try I can't sleep. I look over at Matt sleeping peacefully beside me and the guilt washes over me like a tidal wave. Despite the fact that my boyfriend is laying here beside me all I can think about is Jeff.

It's only been a couple of hours but I miss him so much already. I've given up tyring to convince myself that I don't feel anything for him becuase the truth is I do. I like him, alot more than I should, I like the way I feel when I am around him, the way he makes me feel.

I've been laying here trying to think of reasons to call him, reasons to text him, reasons to see him, just any excuse to be around him to have that feeling again. If I'm completely honest things changed between me and Matt a long time ago, there are so many things he used to do that he doesn't do anymore. He used to bring me a gift back everytime he went away, he used to take me out. I can't remember the last gift he bought me or the last time he took me out. Hell even the way he looks at me or smiles at me isn't the same anymore.

Truth be told it's not one sided, when he's away I don't miss him as much as I used to, especially since I've been spending time with Jeff, I barely thought about him at all this last week. Although I love Matt it's not the same love I felt before. Maybe this relationship is just heading for a natural end but neither of us wants to admit it.

Maybe I just don't want to be alone.

As desperate as I am to be around Jeff I would never act on what I am feeling, not while I am with Matt, I would never do that to him, I would never hurt him. I suppose you could say that I get from Jeff what I no longer get from Matt, attention, a feeling of being wanted, affection, he makes me laugh, he takes me out.

I take another look at Matt feeling nothing but guilt. I know he loves me, I'm just not sure if I love him the same way anymore.

Jeff POV

I lay in bed turning the ring box around in my hands, all I want is a way to talk him out of propsing to Ali the trouble is I can't think of one damn reason why he shouldn't. I slam the box onto my bedside table and turn on my side.

Why did he have to meet her first? And why do I have to feel like this about a woman I can't have? Yes I like her, hell I'm crazy about her but there is nothing I can do no matter how much I want to becuase I would never betray my brother.

The thought of her laying beside him is driving me crazy, knowing that right now he is holding her, kissing her, making love to her when all the while I wish it was me. What I wouldn't give to have her in my arms right now.

I grab my phone, my thumb hoving over the call button next to her name, but I can't do it . How can I call her when he is with her, what reason do I have to call her other than I want to hear her voice. I think about texting her but that's a bad idea too.

I haven't stopped thinking about her since I left her, the way her face lights up when she sees me, the way it feels when she hugs me. They way I feel when I am around her. She makes me feel alive, like she is what I didn't know was missing from my life.

From the moment I first saw her I knew there was something special about Ali, she took my breath away. She is my forbidden fruit and it makes me want her all the more. There were moments when I could have sworn I saw something in her eyes when she looked at me, something more than friendship but I could just as easily have been imagining it becuase I am desperate for her to want me too.

I want to be the man she wants, the one to make her happy, the one who is laying beside her right now. What do I do? Tell her how I feel and hope she says it back? Steal her away and break my brothers heart? No. I'm alot of things but I am not cruel. As long as she is with Matt she can never be mine.

I know things have changed with Matt at least, he stopped bring her gifts back and he very rarely takes her out now and she deserves better than that. If I were him I'd take her out all the time becuase I would want the whole to world to know she was my girl. I would shower her with gifts becuase she deserves nothing less. I sometimes wonder if that idiot really knows how lucky he is.

I put my phone down and bury my face in my pillow, why did this have to happen to me?why did I have to fall for my brothers girl.