Torn Between

Hard Habit To Break

1 week later

Ali POV

For the second time this week I am woken by the sound of my phone vibrating on the bed side table. Once again I am in Jeff's room and once again I am waking up in his arms. Sharing a bed with him has become a habit I am either unable or unwilling to break, I like not sleeping alone, I like waking up in some ones arms and feeling safe.

I reach for my phone and see I have a message from Matt, as I look at his name on my screen I am very aware that I feel nothing, no guilt, no regret nothing. I love Matt but I'm not sure I want him back anymore. I sigh gently and open the message.

Matt: happy birthday baby! I love you and I miss you. I can't wait to see you and give you your present xx

I sigh again re reading his words, I don't want gifts from him I don't want anything from him except an explaination.

Me: I don't want gifts all I want from you is an explaination.........and thank you

Knowing that it's going to be impossible for me to go back to sleep now I start to remove myself from Jeff's arms, I'm almost free when he pulls me back to him. I laugh as I fall back on to the bed and look at Jeff, he is smiling but his eyes are closed.

"Don't go" he says not opening his eyes

"I'm going to start breakfast" I smile

"Five more minutes" he says opening his eyes and placing a gentle kiss on my lips

"Ok five minutes" I say cuddling back into him.

Another habit that's become impossible to break is us kissing each other, at some point we both gave up fighting it and just allowed it to happen. I'm not complaining, right now I'm happy to be like this with him, Matt and I are not together right now so I'm not doing anything wrong. Jeff and I are not official and we haven't put a label on whatever this is but there is no denying that we have been acting like a couple.

After five minutes I remove myself from the bed and Jeff's arms despite his pouting and attempts to stop me. I head down to the kitchen and start the coffee brewing. I grab what I need from the fridge and place it on the worktop just as the gate phone buzzes.

"Hello" I say answering the phone

"Delivery for Miss Jenkins" the voice replies

"Ok I'll be right there" I say and put the phone down.

I grab Jeff's jacket wrapping it around myself and head down to the gate, when I get there  the delivery man is holding the biggest bunch of flowers I have ever seen. He hands me his clipboard telling we where to sign, I do as he asks and hand it back to him. He hands me the flowers and I head back up to the house.

I place the flowers on the worktop while I hang Jeff's jacket back up, I turn and look at them "he just won't give up" I sigh to myself assuming they are from Matt at the same time I am wondering how the hell he knows I am here. I take the card from the flowers and sit on one of the kitchen stools, I open the card and I can't keep the smile from my face.

To Ali,

Happy Birthday!

Love Jeff xx

P.s. Thank you for being here for me

I grab my phone and take a photo of the flowers before sending it to Lorelai, I have no idea how he knew it was my birthday but he is officially the sweetest guy in the world.

Lorelai: oh my gosh they are beautiful.......please tell me they are not from Matt

Me: no Jeff

Lorelai: aww he's too sweet

Me: I can't stop smiling L

Lorelai: has something happened between you two?

Me: kind of

Lorelai: eek I totally ship you two......and happy birthday honey x

I put my phone away laughing at my best friends excitement, after placing the flowers in a vase and finding a suitable place to put them I continue making breakfast. Jeff appears just as I am plating up and I smile at him.

"I heard the gate phone buzz, everything ok?" He asks

"Yeah I had a delivery" I smile

"Oh and who would be sending you stuff here" he asks with a smirk

"Well a few weeks ago I met this really great guy and he sent me flowers" I say smirking right back at him

"Oh is that so?" He asks closing the gap between us and wrapping his arms around me

"There're beautiful thank you" I say smiling up at him and giving him a quick kiss

"Happy birthday Ali" he says pulling me into a hug

"Thank you" I say "how did you know?"

"A little pregnant bird told me" he laughs

"L" I laugh "your breakfast is getting cold"

Jeff and I eat breakfast all the while I am sneaking glances at him and smiling to myself, there is no denying he makes me happy and I love being with him but would I choose to be with him instead of Matt? I don't know. Do I want to give up on Matt? No, I'm not ready to do that yet. Do I want to give up whatever this is with Jeff? No I don't. The only thing I'm sure of is that at some point some one is going to get hurt because at some point I'm going to have to choose