Raving reviews

Review: The Wolf in the Woods (Fantasy)

Nothing, I repeat nothing, will ever top 10HR long Uncle Iroh lofi.

To all the newcomers, welcome, take a seat. If you need to go get a snack or go to the toilet go ahead. No one's watching ;)

To the veterans. Don't worry, I can hear you brooding through your screens. Where the hell have you been, where's my review, why do they make other doritos flavours when they should've just stopped at cheese. All very good questions, i've been in a rut, I just haven't been in the 'reviewing zone' and I have no idea. I'll put up the review form again and if anyone wants you can register (If you already have and i havent got to you i'm sowi please DM me)

Anyway, to get back into the game I reviewed a small competition entrée. A modern take on red riding hood. Without further adue....

The author, squidd_young asked me to look at three things in particular. 

Dialogue -|- Descriptions -|- Pacing 

I'll start with pacing because I feel it's the easiest. 

The pacing is pretty decent in the story, I find it a tad quick in the prologue (which is good, prologues are meant for grabbing the reader not for exposition) and a bit dragging in the following chapters. 

Why?

Lets take a peak at the prologue. 

We don't really get environmental descriptors, which is fine. It's the prologue and unless it shines a light on something relevant there's no need. Considering the protagonists mother is an alcoholic, there is an oppurtunity to litter the place with empty bottles.

Dialogue is brilliant (more on this later) with just enough people descriptors, she smiled sadly - The little girl went silent, suddenly deep in thought. No changes needed.

If @squii_young, you want to change the pacing to make it a bit slower, the problem in my mind is divided between an issue of you simply telling us things. Romeo was the family dog that lived with Marelle's grandmother.  There is no reason this can't be explained naturally in chapter 1 or 2 when Marelle goes to meet her grandmother. 

The last half of the prologue is in my mind at least, a hastily drawn catch-up of the last 15 years of Marelles life. 

That was the last time Marelle saw her grandma for the next 15 years. She still wrote letters to her ever week, and she was easily still her favourite relative. But Grandma had gotten too old to travel and her mother refused to go meet her. 

There's no need to divulge so much in the prologue. 

I would recommend either 

->Deleting all the exposition paragraphs

->Reducing the exposition paragraphs to a sentence. (Prologue could end with 'That was the last time Marelle saw her grandma for 15 years)

->Deleting the exposition paragraphs, and giving this information in conversation (Perhaps after the grandma leaves, the mother has a harsh word with the daughter? Explains in off-hand remarks why she hates the grandma, maybe a word on the wolf? AND we get to see her drunk which shows alcoholism AND all of this in a very tense dialogue scene which is far more grabbing than if you just explain it all to us.) Find ways to give the reader information, and detail in a way that seems natural or develops the plot, rather than just telling us.

In essence, if the book is hard to read, explain less and give us more emotion, more character introspection.

If pacing is too fast, examine the text and see where you could add a paragraph of the protagonists view on something? Maybe add descriptors that give us more of an inlook in Marelles everyday life. Considering you asked about the prologue though, it is fine for it to be brief.