I fucked up. I fucked up bad. How could I be so stupid? I fucking hated every moan and every sigh they drew from her. I should be the only one to hear those beautiful sounds, but no, I wanted to prove to myself I don't fucking love her. And what did I prove? That I'm a fucking idiot!
I was lying on the couch with a pillow pressed against my chest and a glass of Russian vodka next to me. That is some strong shit! I was staring into nothing just like passed Sunday night and whole Monday.
"Will you finally tell me what the fuck happened between you two?" – Aaron asked. I didn't even realize he was sitting on the coffee table next to me. I looked at him and all I saw was my Kitten. I groaned and turned on my stomach and buried my face in the pillows beneath me.
"Man, you're fucking miserable. C'mon, spill it. What happened?" – He turned me around so I had to look at him.
"She is killing me already without doing anything and if I say anything to you? You will kill me for real and she would probably dance on my grave." – I said, looking at the ceiling. He laughed out loud and shook his head.
"Arian, she is quiet capable of killing you by herself. With multiple weapons or with no weapon at all. Hell, she could kill you with her hairbrush. So I'm here only to help. C'mon I promise I won't be angry or anything. I just want to understand because I feel a lot of feelings from her and its fucking bothering me because I can't shut it out and I have to suffer with her. And Kieran as well. So confess. What'd you do?" – He had his elbows on his knees and a slow smile playing on his lips. And in that moment Qhuinn burst from the elevator.
"Man, what the fuck happened? You didn't come to work two days in a row without saying anything and you're not returning my calls or texts. Your mom doesn't know shit and I find you here lying on the couch drowning your sorrows without me. Spill it!" – He came to the couch and sat next to Aaron on the coffee table.
"Aaron, man!" – They clapped their hands together and drew each other in a men hug laughing.
"Q! Long-time no see!" – Aaron patted his back. Q?
"You two know each other?" – I asked looking between them confused.
"So, what'd you do to our Maze?" – Qhuinn asked. Their Maze?
I growled. "She's mine! And how do you know them?" – I glanced at Qhuinn.
"Old family friends. Now talk!" – They said in union. I sighed and started talking. Form what my mom said to me to what I did and what she said to me afterwards. When I was finished I waited for the punch or them yelling at me but instead they both started laughing. They laughed so hard tears started flowing down their cheeks. Did they lose their minds? When they calmed down enough to talk Aaron started.
"So did you prove to yourself that you don't love her?" – He asked with a smile. That bastard already knows the truth just by seeing me in this state.
"I proved myself fucking wrong!" – I cried out and threw a pillow on my face.
"Well, hale-fucking-lujah! Listen, bro. Mazikeen needs time right now. Don't push her and don't make her feel caged. Just let her calm down." – Aaron said taking the pillow away from me. I looked at him and sighed.
"What if six days are too much time? What if she comes home and decides to push me away? What if she's completely closed and cold again? You didn't hear her. Her voice held not one emotion or any sign of anything. Shit! I am so stupid! You know what scares me the most? That she will find someone else. That someone else will make her happy. That he will buy her food and expecting her to eat it, not knowing that she's way too picky of the food she eats. He won't appreciate the way she mumbles but will ask her to speak up or when she has a composition in her mind and will play it on imaginary cello he will tell her to stop moving her hands that it's making him nervous. Me? I would let her trace those lines on my arm. He won't think that the baseline between her neck and face is beautiful. He'll see her long hair in the morning and think 'my god what a mess', but I think 'my god she's magnificent.' He won't appreciate the smell of her shampoo or body lotion. I don't want his lips where mine are supposed to be. I don't want his hands touching curves only I should feel. I don't want him to hear her god awful singing that I completely adore or get to experience her hood playlist and hear her rap every song. I don't want him seeing her at 8 a.m. when she's all natural and bright eyed and bushy tailed. He won't know where her scars came from or why she flinches every time someone moves towards her. I don't want him wiping the food out of the corners of her mouth every time they go out to eat. I want to be the only person who makes her laugh so hard her stomach hurts. I know I messed up and didn't treat her the way she deserved but I can't see her with someone treating her better. Because no one else will be able to treat her better. I can't let anyone know her the way I do and I still don't know everything I want to know. That's my girl, my Kitten and I can't let anyone else have her." – I was looking at them and I think they figured my oncoming panic attack because they pushed me in a sitting position.
"Head between your knees and deep breaths." – Qhuinn said and patted my back. I gripped my hair with my hands and that only reminded me how Maze did that when on the edge of pleasure and could soon be doing to someone else. Every time I tried to breath I choked and coughed. Fuck, my throat doesn't want to work with me.
"Maze won't need to kill you if you kill yourself first by not breathing. Calm down. She won't push you away. You may doubt that but I can feel it. I know she is hurt right now but she still cares for you. Your feelings go both ways. She doesn't now that and doesn't realize that because she never felt that. It's not one of her cases she needs to solve. She can't figure out what's happening to her and it's scaring the ever loving shit out of her. You need to be patient. She's trained since small age not to feel so now when she started feeling again she doesn't know what to do. She won't ever be with someone else like she's with you. There's no way she would let herself be vulnerable like she's right now ever again. Don't force her. When she's ready and when she figures everything out and when she admits it to herself that she is indeed capable of love? Believe me no one will love you more than she will." – If Aaron believes it's possible so can I. I just need to be there for her when she needs me. I need to prove to her that she can trust me.
"So, now when your panic attack is over and we've cleared the air, you need to take a shower. You reek." – Qhuinn pushed me off of the couch and I landed with my ass on the floor.
"Ouch! What was that for?" – I yelled.
"For Maze." – He said walking to the elevator.
"And I expect you to come to work tomorrow!" – He yelled not looking at me.
"Oh, you're the one to talk! Where were you the last three weeks? At what strip club?" – I yelled back.
"You're the responsible one! I had to go to meetings actually these two days! You know how much work is that?" – Did Qhuinn actually just said that? I took a pillow and threw it at him just when the doors closed. I looked at Aaron and sighed.
"Will you punch me for what I did to Maze?" – I asked actually wanting to be punched.
"No, man, you're miserable enough without a broken jaw but do fuck with her like that again and your jaw won't be the only thing broken." – He stopped for a beat and then looked at me and continued. – "Listen, if she confides in you and shares just a little bit of her story...she must picture you in her future. She's not the type of woman to open up about her personal pain with just anyone. Remember that." – He said that and walked out of the room.
I sat on the floor and was thinking about what Aaron said for a long time. I picture Maze in my future and I fucking hope she's picturing me too. She's everything to me, I just hope I didn't fuck this up completely.
YOU ARE READING
Seduce & Destroy
Romance"Oh, you don't need to find her. She'll find you." "Are you done eye-fucking me?" - He asked with that smirk on his face. I looked him in the eyes and smirked myself. "No." - I answered and once again let my eyes wander on his body. "I can't believ...
