the day i lost you - dreamnotfound/gream

Murder

Raise some hell before we ghost
Break the rules, a broken nose
You know us
We're soldiers

***

TW: BLOOD

I woke up with the sun shining on my face, my vision slightly blurred from last night. I had been punched in the face, my victim didn't give up easy. I got up, and went to take a shower. It was irresponsible to not take one before I went to bed, blood stains on my clothes and skin, obviously showing my hobby. I stripped and stepped into the steaming shower, washing the blood stains off my blonde hair and scabbed up skin. I watched as the bloody water went down the drain, so satisfyingly sinking into the holes. 

I murder as a living, and I love doing it. Now, who do I murder? Well, random people. Random druggies, teenagers, anyone really that I find in the alleyways at 3am, just for the hell of it. Something about causing people pain sparks excitement in me. I work for a murdering company, we sometimes go in groups, killing multiple people at once. Not often though, its easier to get caught when multiple people are at the scene.

My favorite way to murder is using a knife. Its more satisfying doing the actual killing rather than a gun. I find people in the alleyways, and shove them up against a fence or building somewhere. I then start choking them, leaving bruises on their neck. I like to show that they were tortured and beat up a little before I actually killed them, so then whoever finds the bodies is more scared.

TW OVER

Now how did I get this way? Simple, really. I don't know how to love anymore. I don't have empathy. I was a bright kid when I was younger, but who wants to be happy when you can be an insecure, anxious murderer. That's my weakness. Of course no one knows that though, especially people at the company. I'm the top murderer there, if they found out I was insecure, they would fear me less and make fun of me. Cant have that happening.

I have a few friends at the company. Well, not really friends, we all kinda despise each other, since we all ended up there for the same place. We believe lose is useless, and all had traumatic shit happen to us. We don't tell each other what exactly happened, vulnerability is banned for obvious reasons.

TW: DRUG AND ALCOHOL ABUSE, ABUSE, BAD PARENT RELATIONSHIPS, HOMOPHOBIA

Me? I grew up with a junkie dad. He would shoot up and snort anything he could get his hands on. On top of that, he drank. A lot. He was constantly either drunk or high (or both), and was extremely abusive. On top of that, my mom put so much pressure on to me. I grew up in a very Christian household, where being gay or anything of the sort was completely unacceptable. I had this expectation of A's on every single thing I ever did in school, to be married to another Christian girl by 20, and have kids until I couldn't no more. That was success in my moms eyes.

When I was 18, I was cheated on by my abusive ex-girlfriend. She was everything to me, but she threw away my heart. I was trapped in a trance of loving her. She abused me physically, sexually, mentally, and any way possible. She was in my head, I was her little game.

So now I'm 21, and obviously, that didn't happen. When I was 16, I decided one day I would come out as pan to my mom, who still stupidly lives with my dad. Its against her beliefs to divorce, the stupid bitch. Anyways, as you could imagine, it went terrible. I was called multiple slurs by her and my dad, and was kicked out of the house. I dropped out of school, and lived in the alleyway. One night, I was smoking weed, and this weirdly tall guy approached me. He shoved me up against a wall of a building, and pulled out a knife. He took one look at my face, and for some reason decided to not kill me.