I Want to Die.....Kind of ~ A young woman's diary/poem book

Hello, i do not wan't to give out my name but you can call me "M" I am a freshman in high school and I live in New England and i kind of want to die. My dad died this spring and now i am confused about life and where i want to go, If any of this is interesting you can read, if its not don't i don't care i just need to get my feelings out somewhere because my mom won't get me a therapist.

This is mostly a poem book by the way, I do not know if my poems are good, I am just sad and need to express myself.