NAVEL GAZING: excessive absorption in self-analysis or focus on a single issue

-A Lie

I decided to focus on family, choosing to believe-and have faith-that everything else would fall into place. I wasn't comfortable-or good-at lying to her.

So, when Samantha surprised me one day by swallowing her pride and asking directly if anything had happened during our break, I hesitated. The silence, I believed, said it all. I was on the verge of confessing when she gave me an out: "If you tell me nothing happened, I'll believe you," she said.

I should have told her the truth then-or resolved never to reveal it. But I didn't. Instead, it surfaced years later, during the final unraveling of our marriage, when I was leaving for good. I selfishly brought it up, hoping it would push her away.

But in that earlier moment, I let her believe what she clearly wanted to hold on to-that I had been faithful. She knew Pippa, and probably sensed something had happened between us, but she let it go. And so did I.

It was cowardice, I know. Still, I made up my mind to make our dream a reality. And for a while, it worked. We rebuilt, we dreamed again. Three more sons came into our lives, and with them, years of trying to hold it all together. But more than a dozen years later, the same problems that once threatened us had only deepened-and would soon spiral out of control.