Girl you book required major editing, if you are not comfortable in english then write in Hindi , no one will judge you for that , but yk English dialogues are not understandable, I've to read the Hindi one to understand what they meant to say and also you could've just AI for editing, I don't mean to demean you but you really need to work on you english. I'm only reading because I liked the storyline and it's genuinely good but you definitely need to work on you english also you can use AI it'll help you with grammer, sentence structure and ofcourse exposure to new words .
P.S. I don't mean to be harsh , sorry if it sounded rude.