Carshae16

We are like a charity case. May magulang naman ako pero bakit kailangan pa kaming umasa sa iba dahil lang walang-wala sila? Masama ba akong anak dahil gusto kong gumawa sila ng paraan rather than unawain sila. Dahil hindi sila nag-isip. They know I'm in College, yet they have another baby. I'm not blaming the baby, I love Avi but,hindi ba nag-isip ng parents ko na makabuo sila? Sinasabi nilang hindi sinasadya. God, damn that reason. Of course wala kayong protection. 

Gusto kong takasan lahat ng tao dito
          . Yung walang inaalala at higit sa lahat walang expectation na nakaatang sa akin. Sawang-sawa na ako sa ingay, sa salita at sa pakikinig. 

God I'm claiming na papasa ako sa MMW, I know I will.Papasa ako at kahit dos ang grades ko dl padin  at sana mag Cum Laude. Naniniwala ako sa sarili ko at sayo na gumagabay sa akin. Pleasee . Ang ibinababa ay itinataas. 

God, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not tired, okay. But I don't know which path I'll take. I have so many options. But what will happen?What do I have to sacrifice, sure I can do that but I have to figure it out myself maybe. I need a scholarship, it's a must. Please guide me. Send me someone or make me realize what I can do. Hirap na hirap na ako magproblema po. Gusto ko lang naman makatapos, maghanap ng trabaho.Maging skilled person. 

God, ikaw na po bahala sa pamilya namin.Hinihingi ko po ang gabay niyo palagi para sa amin. 

For the years I've been, I prioritized my peace. The only thing I wanted and the only thing that I saw. But I was seeking growth, so I had to let go of the peace. Peace makes me feel everything and chaos makes me unstable.But is it really that, or I'm just running away from the things that I know I can handle better but turning into a nightmare cause I don't want pressure. For the longest time, I'm still lost. In the process of everything that I knew, I was aware but I feel helpless. Just because I don't want to be tired and promise myself I won't disappoint again big time . But what if I tried? So what if I failed, make a mistake? Do I need to camouflage? Do I need to shrink if I can shine? Ironic, when I call myself tala but I'm keeping my shine, my light. It's really me who was wrong in everything. If I never learn and drop a subject, it's all on me. Not because I'm not studying, but because I'm not having faith in what I do, and above all else. I'm not having faith in myself. The idea I have all in my head is that it's impossible but I know that it was all possible. So now, I have to get up. Pull myself together and whenever I feel I don't want it. Then goodbye to what I wanted. The laude. 

Bakit? Bakit kailangang ihiwalay mga kapatid ko? Hirap naman nito. Naiisakripisyon sila dahil sakin. Tas ganito ako sa College. Hahahahhaha. Wtf. Hirap na hirap na ako eh. Kailangan ko na talaga ng scholarship. Gustuhin ko man, parang wala ng patunguhan ang pride ko. Sila ang nahihirapan para sakin. Bawat jollibee ko, inasal, bili ng luho ko. Wala silang baon..... God, I know you're always with me. Please provide for them while I'm still reaching my dreams. Kahit ako nalang pahirapan mo. Not my siblings at Mama. I know you gave us a new Angel for something. He is a gift that you know we need. 

I'm still worthy to have this privilege cause a single thought that I'm not will forever hunt me. 

Please God, ipasa mo ako sa prelims. 

Sobrang pagod na pagod na ako. Parang ang dali lang pag andon ka pero kasi hindi ko maintindihan eh.