CloudyBerrySkies

Days in school: 4
          Panic attacks: at least 3 today so far

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH 
          
          sorry it late my app has been being weird 

Sorry I keep posting my personal crap here. I don’t want to talk to my friends right now and you guys have all been supportive or at least silent about your disapproval, so thanks a lot. With that out of the way, here’s my rant.
          
          Today my boyfriend got a new pair of earbuds with a microphone in them, so we were finally able to call each other. I thought that it would make my depression and dysphoria go away. I thought “finally I can talk with a human being besides my best friend who respects my gender and calls me by the name that I feel fits best.”
          
          Instead, I got fed a dumb line I was all to familiar with. 
          
          “I call everybody by their birth gender because they will never be able to change their body. Even with surgery they’re still the gender they were born as”
          
          This is coming from a guy who said he still loves me after I came out as ace and non-binary. He also was extremely confused about me saying I’m Asexual. He thought Asexual and Aromantic were the same thing! I’ve been out for literally months now! 
          
          And of course it’s me, so I didn’t say anything. The only person I’ve stuck up for myself against was the other person in our group chat. He could probably tell I’m mad, but I couldn’t say anything. I love my boyfriend from the bottom of my heart, same with my family. That’s why being in quarantine sucks for me. I can’t correct my family because I don’t want them to feel like their hurting me, but the truth is they are. 
          
          Any advice from my fellow genderqueer people?

Why is it that one minute I can be dressed up all feminine for a cosplay of a female character and think I look cute for once, but the second I take the cosplay off the dysphoria hits hard. 
          
          My hair and chest are where it hits the worst. I could be like “my hair length and chest size are perfection this character” one moment, and the next I’m wondering “just how mad would my parents be if I chopped off all of my hair?”

So I get these dreams. They’re all very oddly realistic dreams, like certain conversations and events that I know for a fact I’ve never seen before. Somehow I feel they link to my lack of sleep half the time, they freak me out quite a bit. But that’s not what we’re getting into here.
          
          The freaky part about them, is that multiple of them have actually happened within a relatively short time of me having the dream.
          
          For example, not to long ago I had a dream where you was on a video chat with my friend’s boyfriend. Just her boyfriend, no one else. It’s not insanely weird because we are friends, but just him kinda threw me off because usually my friend and boyfriend would be there as well, since their even closer to him to I am. Long story short, the call randomly cut to black occasionally, and I remember him saying the exact words “I don’t know why it’s doing that” when I mentioned it in the dream.
          
          That happened today. My friend couldn’t join the chat because she only has her school iPad to work with. She doesn’t have a phone either. I’m not exactly sure why my boyfriend wasn’t there, but I know his phone doesn’t always have the best mic quality. 
          
          So my friend’s boyfriend and I wee just chilling on a video chat. It was a bit awkward, but nothing really struck me as weird until the screen started cutting to black. I mentioned that the screen was cutting out, and he said the exact same word as in my dream.
          
          Now it’s 2am, and I don’t feel like going to sleep because I’m anxious about whatever I dream about coming true.
          
          Let me know if you wanna hear more of these weird dreams. I could make a whole book about them.

Sleep? Never heard of it.

I’ve decided that I want to mainly work on children’s books/picture books. 
          This doesn’t mean I’ll stop updating fanfics, but it does mean I might not update as often as I used to years ago and my fanfics will be more of a casual thing because they take less effort to produce. 
          
          This also sadly means I’m going to be breaking away from Wattpad a bit because I don’t want to focus so much on fanfics. Fanfics lube my Fairy Tail one and many other more recently updated ones will continue to be worked on and some books I haven’t worked on in a while might be dropped unless you tell me otherwise in the comments. If you guys want a book to continue, I’d be happy to keep it open for ideas. 
          
          Also, if you have an idea where one of my books could go, let me know. A lot of my books I’ve given up on because I don’t have an idea or it’s been awhile since I’ve watched the series, so I’m open to any ideas.
          
          On that note, I’d like to thank you all again for getting my profile to where it is. If I could I would put so much more into these fanfics, but with school and me attempting to make the picture books I’ve been meaning to make, it’s been a struggle to upload, so I hope you all can respect my decision. Things won’t always stay this way. One day I might be able to put more into these stories again, but for right now I think I need a slight break.

Guys I have a confession to make.
          
          
          I like frying pans.

So I was watching gay tic toc compilations (as usual) when I noticed a common theme about bisexual tic tocs is that they cuff their jeans.
          
          Wait... I cuff my jeans...
          
          (I already know there’s gay in me, I just never made this connection before)

I got on this morning and say that my follower count is at 102...
          
          You guys are so amazing, I don’t know what I would do with our you. You people have supported me so much through so many things, and I just want to say, thank you. I can’t type more because I have go to lunch with my grandparents but really I don’t even know what to say at this point. Thank you