My name is Cyan.
Back in 2017, I started a Neptunia fanfiction series under the title of "Legacy", consisting of several books and many crossover projects with other writers. I was obsessed with writing for an audience that I had no possible way of confirming were real. The years I put into these books felt so empty without barely a shred of feedback. I was basically writing for my small bubble of friends, but that wasn't enough. The truth is that I wanted to change someone's life, to pass along the hope I was given to someone else.
I was lost back then; I still am. Back in those days, the only thing that kept me going was reading Neptunia fanfiction. I loved the stories people wrote, it made me fall in love with the characters. I'm still grateful to the three who made me want to start writing. If not for them, I would never have become a writer. I never would've found my purpose in life. Those books saved my life; I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for them.
I kept writing for all those years, book after book, spent hours each day just to appease an audience that I had only made up in my mind. I was tired and burned out, yet I was fighting against the idea that if I didn't write, I was wasting my life.
When I finally quit writing fanfiction, I thought I'd be free from those thoughts... At first, I was. I started new original books; books that I am glad I put in the effort to write. I felt like I was getting my life on track. I started becoming more independent, got my first part-time job, started working out, discovered who I really am on the inside. But, those thoughts still lingered in the back of my mind.
As the years passed, those thoughts became something else entirely: Regret. I missed what I used to write. I missed the series I gave up on. I found that I had lost the ability to write anything that wasn't original. That lasted for two years.
Thanks for waiting, and sorry for leaving. I've been wanting to say this for the longest time...
I'm home.