I see you have stumbled upon this commoner's humble abode. Alas! This poor soul has nothing much to offer you.
I am, but a mere mortal, trying to make it past this cynical, malevolent world. Take a look around if you wish but be careful though, masters and mistresses.
 It is a dark, unknown world out there where the borders between saints and sinners are obscured and blurred. 
The iniquitous vines, concealed in the darkness are hunting for wandering souls, waiting to strike. It is,after all, the light and good ones that are tainted.
 But fear not folks! I shall be your beacon and guide you towards the light, out of this sinister abyss of darkness.

Are you ready to place your lives in the hands of this sublunary creature?