Garruta

Hello Garuda! I like your profile!!

Hello everyone !!. I've just published a new story called AVERAGE and I hope all of you take the time to read it and give me your feedbacks. Enjoy !! Lots of love !!

Hey @Garruta , would you mind looking at both of my Watty submissions (they don't have that many parts yet) I want to make sure that the plots themselves make sense. Enough sense that people will read them, but crazy enough to make readers think. I'll do the same if you want,
          
          From,
              — Margo
          
             (P.S; Love the owl picture)

Hi, can you help me, please? Can you vote on my story "Silent"? I'll do the same with yours. Thank you very much. Have a nice day :D
          P.s. I know I ask too much, but can you follow me, please? :)
          Your description is my karma *-*

Ok so I read the first chapter, and my first tip would be to not start so many sentences with "the". It's not that starting sentences with the is bad, it's just that yours is excessive. 
          I love the poetic, descriptive way you write, therefore I also like the way you used repetitive words and phrases to add to the story, however I think that the overuse of the word "soul" is not necessary nor building. Try "being" or "beauty" or something. Also, COMMAS ARE A GOOD THING!!! 
          I think it's great, the description and the metaphors, but you need to present the story in a literal way too. Aka, conversations, actions, you get the picture. Try to remember, a good writing has thoughts, descriptions, talking, and actions. 
          Lastly, the way you transitioned from when he saw the redhead to (two years later?) was very poor. You couldn't really understand what was happening. 
          I could edit for you, (once I find out how) or just give you pointers for every chapter...