I come here like twice every year lol. I keep forgetting to use this more often. I mainly used it in my earlier high school years. It's been 3 years since I've graduated and it's crazy to me. I got my first tattoo a few months ago, thinking of getting another one for my next birthday. I am 21 now but I still feel like I'm 15 or something. Like I haven't fully processed the fact that I'm an adult now. Probably because I'm still unfortunately stuck with my family, who has been pretty toxic to me growing up. I can't move out right now due to certain circumstances. I'm just trying my best to figure out what my passion is and where I want to end up in life. I feel like I have lost a huge sense of my identity. I dissociate a lot. I still struggle with depression. I'm still going to therapy and going through various medications, that don't work. My anxiety isn't bad anymore, only because I'm very numbed out and have trouble feeling emotions. Which I'm pretty sure is due to all the trauma I've endured in the past few years especially. And I've been blocking out emotions and not taking the time to process anything. I'm trying my very best to survive, but I really wish that i could wake up and feel like I'm enjoying life and content with who i am but I'm not. I feel like I'm so behind, from my other friends who have seemed to accomplish a lot more than I have in my life up to this point. It feels like I'm a failure. Sometimes I feel cursed and like a burden and I wish I could have someone else's life. Sometimes I also wonder if I'm cursed or paying for what I did or who I was in a past life. I feel like I've done my very best to treat everyone how I want to be treated and I still end up being let down and hurt countless times. Granted I do stand up for myself more and don't take as much bs as I used to take, because people take advantage of those with a kind/pure heart. I haven't truly vented to my friends in so long so I keep all of this to myself :/
