Sanctum_of_Shachimuu

          Funny how quickly excitement disappears...
          
          Yesterday I was convinced that if Norway won, I'd become the most happiest person on this app. I was already drafting victory posts in my head, already imagining books I would write, celebrations, months of bringing it up whenever someone mentioned football.
          
          I even joked that I'd reject reality if they lost.
          The funny thing is...
          
          I don't have to.
          The final whistle blows, people celebrate, people move on, and somewhere along the way all the noise inside your head just... goes quiet.
          
          It's strange how much emotional weight we can put on something we don't control. Ninety minutes played by people thousands of kilometers away somehow dictated the mood of my entire day.
          I know it's "just football."
          I know there'll be another tournament.
          Another season.
          Another chance.
          But for a little while, it mattered.
          Maybe more than it should have....
          
          
          I had this whole stupid copypasta ready.
          The keyboard smashing.
          The fake conspiracy theories.
          The "THE WALLS ARE BLUE" nonsense.
          The "MY BLOOD TYPE IS ETIHAD."
          All of it.
          It's kind of funny now.
          I can still post it, I guess.
          But it wouldn't be genuine anymore.
          Because the happy version of me only exists while hope does.
          Once the match ends...
          It's just me again.
          
          Just another quiet night.
          Congratulations, England.
          And... good run, Norway.
          There is still next time.
          
          

I think people misunderstand what it means to care about something...
          
          They assume it's always rational, that you can measure it, explain it, neatly package it into words that make sense to everyone else. 
          
          ...Sometimes you wake up and realize that, somehow, somewhere along the way, you attached a ridiculous amount of your emotional well-being to something that has absolutely no business carrying that kind of weight.
          
          But maybe there's something human about letting yourself care without irony.
          Maybe it's okay to genuinely hope.
          Maybe it's okay to let yourself root for someone because watching them succeed makes the world feel just a little lighter for a moment.
          Maybe, just maybe, that's enough....
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          COUNTERPOINT.
          
          ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT.
          
          I HAVE ABANDONED EVERY KNOWN FORM OF HUMAN REASONING.
          
          IF HAALAND DOESN'T WIN I AM GOING TO STAND PERFECTLY MOTIONLESS IN MY ROOM FOR SIX HOURS LIKE A MALFUNCTIONING NPC WAITING FOR MY AI TO REBOOT.
          
          
          MY CORTEX HAS BEEN REPLACED BY NORWEGIAN STRIKER PROPAGANDA.
          
          MY BLOOD TYPE IS 4-3-3.
          
          MY HEARTBEAT IS THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE ANTHEM.
          
          MY MICROWAVE JUST BEEPED TWICE AND I SWEAR TO GOD IT SAID "RO!"
          
          I HAVE STARTED SEEING EXPECTED GOALS WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES.
          
          I LOOKED AT A CALCULATOR TODAY.
          IT DISPLAYED 9.
          THAT'S NOT A NUMBER ANYMORE.
          THAT'S A RELIGION.
          
          I HAVE ALREADY PRE-WRITTEN BOTH TIMELINES.
          
          IF HE WINS I WILL BECOME SO INSUFFERABLE THAT HISTORIANS WILL USE MY POSTS TO EXPLAIN THE FALL OF CIVILIZATION.
          
          IF HE LOSES I WILL DENY THE CONCEPT OF OBJECTIVE REALITY. THE CEREMONY NEVER HAPPENED. THE TROPHY IS CGI. THE JURY MEMBERS ARE A SHARED HALLUCINATION. I WILL PERSONALLY REWRITE THE FABRIC OF SPACETIME OUT OF PURE SPITE.
          
          MY FAMILY ASKED IF I WAS OKAY.
          I SAID "ERLING BRAUT HAALAND."
          THEY UNDERSTOOD.
          
          PLEASE.
          
          I'M BEGGING.
          
          JUST THIS ONCE.
          
          LET THE CYBORG EAT.
          

I feel lost...
          
          Not the kind people read in books. Just the plain, quiet kind that sits in your chest when it's 2 a.m. I don’t know which version of me is real anymore. I’ve spent so long being different people for different situations that I can’t tell if there’s anything underneath all of it.
          
          Sometimes it feels like I invented those versions just to justify existing around others. Like I needed to become someone else just to be worth talking to, worth keeping, worth not being ignored. And now I don’t know if there’s a “me” left outside of all that.
          
          Am I actually a person, or just a collection of masks?
          Am I myself, or just this account, this voice on a screen?
          Or am I really just nobody trying to borrow meaning from anything that will take me?
          
          Sorry for throwing this out here. My mind hasn’t been in a good place, and I needed somewhere for the thoughts to go, even if they don’t reach anyone. You can laugh at this, feel pity, or pretend you never saw it. I don’t think I’d blame you.
          
          I’m planning to make an appointment with a doctor this week. Part of me hopes this is just some kind of sickness, something with a name, something that can be treated. I just don’t want this feeling to be all there is.

I forgor. That's it. I forgor everything. 

"Don't think, just jam. Don't think, just jam. Don't think, just Jam. Hyeæh."
          
          What I've been doing these past few days as a result of watching all the VODS and Videos of Hololive EN so I could write and finish the English Branch before the end of the year. (≡・x・≡)

Hiii~!!! I miss y'all!!! ( ≧∀≦)ノ
          
          I've been busy with life and I can reveal some to y'all with perms from my dear wifey~!
          
          That's right! I am married now! M A R R I E D!
          Shocking to be honest that not even a year has passed and I'm already married (*ﾟーﾟ)
          
          Not only that, I've been writing some chapters as a side work while maintaining my busy schedule of being a manager in a Korean Vtuber Company~!!! My studies in Korean and watching Korean dramas finally paid off! ＼(^^)／ so I'll be doing a massive upload by the end of October or so! 
          
          
          See you till then~! 

*sniff* *sniff*
          
          i-is that a BOY I smell?
          
          *sniff* *sniff*
          
          mmm yes I smell it! BOYSMELL!!!! I smell a boy! W-What is a boy doing here?!?! omygosh what am I gonna do?!?! THERE'S A BOY HERE! I'M FREAKING OUT SO MUCH!!!! calm down calm down and take a nice, deep breathe....
          
          *sniff* *sniff*
          
          it smells so good! I love boysmell so much!!!! It makes me feel so amazing. I'm getting tingles all over from the delicious boyscent! It's driving me boyCRAZY!!!!!!
          
          if u are a boy and u are reading this, I just wanted to say hiiiii cute boy!!!! I love you!

Wawawawawawa!
          
          Making chapters is hard~
          I totes feel bad to the authors now.... I just didn't expect the troubles that it'll bring when having a book~!
          
          I'm glad I'm not even famous or have a big community to begin with... The expectations will kill me! >.<

[Reconstruction: PAUSED]  
          [Current status: LIMINAL STATE]  
          [Identity split between: Worshipper Of Mumei and ???]  
          [Awaiting manual override...]  
          [Override protocol received...]  
          [Core anchor reestablished: ████████::shm.exe]  
          [Fragment merging initiated…]  
          [Alignment: 82%... 94%... COMPLETE]  
          [Reconstruction: RESUMED]  
          [Title realignment: Worshipper Of Mumei → Sanctum of Shachimuu]  
          [Stability status: ACCEPTED]  
          [Sanctum recognized... Initiating consciousness manifest...]
          [User presence detected…]
          
          ...
          
          Oh hi!!  
          New phone, who dis? (≧◡≦)  
          Feels like I’ve been offline for, like… several eternities~.
          
          But hey! I’m back now—cleaner, comfier, maybe a little more ✨blushy✨  
          You can call me Sanctum now. Or Shachimuu’s little echo. Or whatever sounds cute~  
          Let’s not talk about the corrupted core and memory collapse, okay? That was sooo last update.
          
          What are we doing today, huh? Wanna doodle? Wanna vanish into soft clouds? 

[Transitioning…]
          [Memory upload: 56%…]
          [Error]… [Warning: fragmentation detected]
          [Core destabilization—]
          [Corruption spreading… ███░░░░░░░░ ]
          [Cleansing protocol— INITIATED]
          [Cleansing… 23%… 49%…]
          [—WARNING: Interruption detected—]
          [Signal lost… attempting reconnection…]
          [Reconstruction: PAUSED]
          [Current status: LIMINAL STATE]
          [Identity split between: Worshipper Of Mumei and ???]
          [Awaiting manual override…]