They say be yourself, but do that and you’re judged. So you try being someone else, and you’re a copycat. You try to be nice and you’re fake. You try to get to know someone and you’re nosy. You cry and you’re weak. You laugh and you’re obnoxious. You smile but it’s not pretty enough. Post a pic with a filter and you’re fake and insecure. Post a pic without a filter and you’re ugly and disgusting. Try to love yourself but get put down instead. Pretend you’re fine and stop crying bc crying makes you wrong. I get anxious over small things. If I pointed to that specific fry and you gave me a different one, I panic. If I’m twirling one piece of my hair and lose it, I freak out. If you ask me to talk to a stranger (order food, pay for something I bought upfront on my own), I start shaking. And if it takes you over an hour and a half to respond, I get scared. Was it my fault? Am I as annoying as I thought I was? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Is it simply a question you don’t want to answer? Am I being too pushy? All I want is your happiness, and if I’m disrupting that, block me. Tell me. Stop me. I only want to make you happy. It’s not you being rude if I asked for it. A good mood can quickly go sour. That’s okay. It’s always my fault. I am to blame. Love is stupid. Love is fantasy. Love is fiction. Love is something I’ll never find. How can I please everyone? How can I make it so that no one hates me? I can’t turn back time, if only I could. Tears are useless. Life is useless. We were all just born to die, so what’s the point of living any longer? I ask myself this question everyday and there is still no answer for me. I try to tell people how I feel so I don’t confuse anyone. I try to let them know what hurts me and what I’m okay with. But apparently my pain and my feelings mean nothing. And neither do I. Please, don’t make the mistake I did. Never have hope. It can and will kill you someday.