ThatTa11Beans

Cannot believe that I finished my first year of college and this Monday I start my second year. Crazy stuff.
          
          Wattpad really is where you talk about myself tho— spout nonsense when times are either very low or very high. I had an amazing summer, spent a lot of time with friends and it made me happy to see so many people once again.
          
          Summer's come to an end, I'll be helping my friend move into her dorm come next weekend.
          
          I still fear my birthday. It's a few months away and all I can think about is how many people will text me a happy birthday. 
          
          I was checking my texts, seeing what told me happy birthday only to realize that technically— none of my friends wished me a happy birthday on my birthday. The only person who did was a day late (not her fault, but still). I had felt so confident that it wasn't like that anymore, that people actually cared enough to send me a message.
          
          It's a fucking message. My other friend had invited me for a Christmas party the day before. How can you just ignore her birthday the next? I hate seeing all the happy birthday texts I send toward people only to know that nobody said a word to me. It just feels heartbreaking to put effort in relationships and then when it matters most, they don't do anything.
          
          I just wanna be remembered.
          
          I hate being forgotten.
          
          Well, I already forget myself sometimes, so I guess it doesn't matter much if people forget me too. Why try when I can only get the energy to shower or clean my room if I know others are coming to see it.
          
          I have work tomorrow so I've gotten sleep. Maybe someone aside from my dentist office might just shoot me a text this year.
          
          I can only hope.

Just wanna shout out Google Keep. Literally I've probably written over a thousand (at least a couple hundred) fanfictions with it. I literally just switch between AO3 and Keep Notes when I wanna read something. The fun part about writing stuff is that I literally have things from...
          
          Holy shit. 5 years ago. That means... I've been on Wattpad for almost 8 years now. That's crazy.
          
          But yeah, from 2021 till now I've got different writings. And then from before then I've got my Wattpad stories I've done.
          
          Honestly, maybe this is why I'm not shit at writing? Like I'm a math and science person, 24/7. I HATE English and literally hate writing.... But for almost 2 years it was literally the big thing I did outside of school.
          
          What's also funny, is how absolutely nobody knows about my collection of fanfiction.
          
          
          The best part about only having stories for yourself is you can just dox yourself completely and there are literally 0 consequences because nobody will read it but you.
          
          
          
          Happy late Valentine's Day! I will be spending Sunday craming a shit ton of homework, seeing my friend for 2 hours, the  continuing to cram/finish this big proposal for my EGR class.... :D

IM LAUGHING MY ASS OFF RN— literally the first person to like my post on Instagram is my bestie's BOYFRIEND he saw that shit before she did (she is probably dying cuz she has 17 credits this semesters— but like, no happy b-day babes?).
          
          I might mention it to her another time. Communication is good and with how busy she probably is, I doubt she means it. I hope...

Life goes up and down like mountains. 
          I got my first job over a month ago now, but working 20hrs a week and having 5 courses in college means almost 0 free time.
          
          The one thing I constantly wish for on my birthday is to not be seemingly forgotten.
          
          Nobody sent (emailed or texted) me a 'happy birthday!' message today. Any message or gift I did get was from my immediate family (and not over text).
          
          Sometimes I just wish that people would put effort in? 
          
          I can't do everything— but I try my best. I make sure to message my close friends on their birthdays and give them a gift— no matter how big or how small.
          
          And yet today, nobody seemed to care. It's almost 11pm on my birthday and I finally posted on Instagram because maybe— just maybe— one of my friends will remember me? Maybe they'll send me the message I was looking for today— that nobody gave me.
          
          I don't need a gift, I just need a reminder that nobody forgot about me?
          
          
          I used to love my birthday as a little kid.
          
          Now?
          
          Now I can't help but hate it, because it's another reminder that nobody else puts it in their calendar. It's another reminder that I'm the only one who remembers and that I have to remind everyone else.
          
          Have a wonderful fucking night and hey— Reminder that unless someone asks not to— wish them a happy birthday— because you have no idea how much it might fucking mean to them. If I didn't have my family or I didn't mention it— nobody would wish me a happy birthday today.

I can't believe you joined Wattpad 6 years ago. I was in 7th grade and now I'm graduating High School. This is my last week and just a couple more before my graduation ceremony. Crazy...
          
          Also I'm just mentioning it because I am lying in bed and totally avoiding a project due tomorrow as well as literally anything I've got to do in my other classes. I got a really bad cold last week and I think that just sent me straight to senioritis central because I literally don't care. I've got an A in all my classes and one of my teachers is out this week (think he's going to Washington?).
          
          The other two I have a stupid senior project about my HS years and then in German I've got a socratic seminar we'll be doing soon.
          
          Anyways, I'm honestly just so chill and definitely just going to do this project, start to finish, in the morning and in my 2nd class (one without a teacher).
          
          Hope everyone's having a good day (well, night for me-).
          
          
          Also I'm proud to stay that I'm really happy in life  I've got a group of friends that I actually love to hangout with and though only me and another are going to the same school, we're all planning to keep in contact.
          
          I know none of them have any idea of this account (they probably don't think I'd even have a Wattpad, crazies think I'm too pure for this or AO3 even tho I spend/spent my life there-). Good night <3

Anyone just chilling in bed, meant to be going to sleep because you're gonna do a lot of stuff tomorrow— But your brain is just like- nahhh you're not going to bed because you don't want to..
          
          But I do! I just.. too much I'd going on in my brain and so I can't-

Guess what? I was out at breakfast with my Grampa and one of his friends came by and showed me his grandson. He's 2 years older than me and he's pretty cute but now, I didn't ask for his number. Gotta say though, old man definitely is a good sell for that boy, talking all high and mighty about how he's pretty swell.
          
          Truly though, peak of my life. I thought I was ugly, but his grampa thought I was good enough for his grandson.

I am thoroughly insulted. Reading fanfics, as one does, and they are all just insulting this man's denim shorts! I wear denim shorts all the time! THEY AREN'T OUT OF STLYE!
          Jorts are my life and they don't make me chafe horribly. Even wear them for working out.

Happiest I've been to get my period 4 days early because it means that I don't have to be worried about getting it at all during my trip to Germany.
          
          Truly, a major achievement because that's s lot less to pack— FUCK YES! Ich muss sagen, das ist sehr gut.

I read it and then it's 3am— I didn't mean it— but it is