the Number One

I forgot that He guarded me from them to protect me. But there those friends who like each other but still take care of themselves better. Why can't i... —oh.. yeah, right.i can't focus on studies if i did that 

I don't want to be a plain side character anymore.. Well, maybe this is my fate. I at least hope i can die just like my how my name was made. Syahid. That's the only thing i hold dear till now and the reason I don't want to kill myself 

Everyone got their own story and school life. While me being 17, having the last year for high school but still got no life. Don't care what's genre in it but i got nothing except depressing tragedy genre without even slightest romance in it. Am i too ugly? Am i too stupid? Why did i get a toxic and abusive family like this? Why's no one gonna help me? I even felt that God dislikes me.. I'm so alone that i want to kill and torture myself so that i can feel better. I want to have a normal school life like everyone else too. Just like in stories or kdrama or even in real life one. I just want a sweet high school memories, that's all.