Thebobman6059

@dreadnoght l agree 

@KingCross99 okay just hoping you would take it into consideration 

@KingCross99 I am sorry, but I know nothing about Demon Slayer, and I am right now not taking long story commission, though I am thinking if making a patreon for short one shot commissions but I am not sure about it.

Thanks for the advice dude, and yes my book is just for shit and giggles, I wrote it like within my first month on Wattpad and wanted to see what people would say about something I made low effort. 
            
            Also even if everyone on Wattpad is dumb as hell like me, I mostly use Wattpad to just read stuff with my brain off and chill after a stressful day.

It seems it skimped out on a few words/ didn't mean to put and can't edit so
            
            Put simply your readers aren't fuck dumb 

@Lazy-God-Paimon thanks a lot! 
            
            I don't know much about here on Wattpad as most of the ones I find are self-interests which I hate with a passion or poorly written where the author isn't separating themselves from there work, but that’s my opinion, on other websites there is quite a few good competition, at least if they weren't six feet under or in fandoms I couldn't care less about, that is the second issue, if I do find one it's absolutely terrible.
            
            Well, briefly looking through your first chapter, and I hope I don't come off as being rude, you fall into the later camp, where in your fic feels a lot more memey or a crack fic than a story focused one, which that might be what your going for, which if that's the case than go for it.
            
            Also if you just want general tips for writing, read other books/fic which are great and amazing and try to figure out what makes them great, for an example a friend of mine on another website is amazing at metaphors/ smilies all that shit,  so I read his work and try to peice together what I enjoy about it and try it in my own writing, which doesn't mesh well, but I think I am doing better.
            
            I didn't read far into your story only first part, and that might be a mistake so this might not be an issue but Show don't Tell is important, that might sound werid what the hell does that mean.
            
            Put simply your readers are fucking dumb, when someone screaming you don't have to put John yelled angrily, instead you could  add details that show John is angry, I.E a read face sweat dripping down, bulged eyes. And this works for plenty of things, don't skimp out on details unless you really think readers don't need to see this.